Aveangance
by Rune-Spirit
Summary: A series of one-shots/drabbles about the relationships and shenanigans of our favorite heroes. Will Stark Tower survive them? Pairings: StevexDarcy, TonyxPepper, ThorxJane, ClintxNatasha, & more. Requests welcome. Chap 10: The group attends and awards ceremony for Jane. With Darcy, Jane, Erik, Thor, Coulson, Clint, Bruce, Tony, Steve, Natasha, Pepper, Fury, Hill.
1. Happenstance

R_S: So this is the first of a series of one-shots/drabbles, just written for shits n' giggles- shiggles. The stories will tend to primarily revolve around Darcy, because I'm obsessed with her and have made her into a hodge-podge of her and Kat Denning's other character, Max, from 2 Broke Girls. Pairings will mostly be featuring StevexDarcy, but there will definitely be others. If there are any continuations of one-shots at later dates, I'll make it uber clear.

So, enjoy =)

* * *

**Happenstance**

**Captain America, Darcy Lewis, Agent Coulson**

**Very Slight StevexDarcy, Mentions of ThorxJane**

The first time Darcy Lewis met Captain America, it was completely by accident. She had not worked for Jane in months, going on nearly a year at the time, and she was certainly in no way invited to be privy to the goings on at S.H.I.E.L.D. But, when strange men broke into her meager apartment and ransacked everything, searching through all her computer files and little techy gadgets like her IPod (seriously, what did people think they were going to find on there?), calling her old professor just seemed like the most logical course of action. After all, her big step up in the world was nothing more than getting hired as a gofer interning for a local councilwoman, so there was really only one thing that the thieves could have been looking for. It was a long-shot to even think that Dr. Foster would still have the same cell number after being whisked away to do top-secret work for an all-encompassing government organization, but it was all Darcy had to go on, so she took the long shot. There was no evidence to suggest that the number had ever belonged to the astrophysicist, but she left a message anyway.

"Hey Jan- Dr. Foster, it's Darcy, Darcy Lewis… long-time, no see!" a strained giggle here, "Yeah, so um, just thought I'd touch base with you, see how you were doing, catch up… and uh mention that you might wanna tell the Men in Black that someone broke into my apartment, and I think they were looking for some mementos of our glorious time together… wasn't really sure who else to call 'bout that. So, uh, yeah just get back to me and let me know how concerned I should be for my life. Miss you, boss… bye."

S.H.I.E.L.D. must have been monitoring the number, because she heard back almost the next day. Jane caringly assured her that agents were in the area and would be checking in on her as soon as possible. They had a surprisingly nice chat, too, her old boss seemingly starting to see her more as an adult entering the working world and less like a whiny child she just hired because she had to. And ok, Darcy could still be whiny and immature, but it was nice to be treated like she was a little more than that once in a while. It was part of why she liked working for the councilwoman so much, it was a place where she was taken seriously (mostly… some guys from other offices and the like still saw her as an attachment to the assets rather than the other way around). It was nice, feeling like she was talking to an old friend rather than an ex-professor or an old boss. They had never been supremely close, but they were close enough and certainly liked each other. At the very least, there was a begrudging respect for the two very different areas of expertise they each had. So the call lasted longer than expected, while the young intern picked at some Chinese take-out… while topless. It was a trick she had started not too long ago, an effort to avoid staining any more blouses, because she was an intern and could only afford so many forms of business attire. The girls were like magnets for, well, everything- t here were already a couple droplets of sauce in her cleavage. She guessed it was just part of their epic-ness.

Maybe there was a double agent in S.H.I.E.L.D. Darcy did not know- she never even pretended to be the Nikita spy type. Whether there was or not, though, someone found out that she was calling in back-up and was none too pleased, evidenced by the scream that cut her conversation with Jane short as someone smashed in her window. Exactly what happened was kind of a blur. After all, she was topless and sodium-loaded from sesame noodles when some guy came crashing through her window to throw her down and strangle her. She distinctly remembered thinking that there _had_ to be classier ways to die and wondering how her death would affect the councilwoman's ongoing campaign for reelection, all while simultaneously bemoaning the distance between her and her beloved Taser. But she, and her attacker, underestimated Jane Foster's mama-bear instinct and the influence her freaking out could have, because sometime after she passed out but before she could die, some major ass-kicking had occurred… supposedly. The story came to her after the fact, in bits and pieces from various involved parties.

Steve Rogers was never meant to pay Darcy Lewis a visit and deliver said ass-kicking. In fact, S.H.I.E.L.D. was not even in the area to help her out or check in on her. After the call she made, Director Fury called Jane into an emergency meeting and pumped her for anything her big-mouthed intern might have known about the research, which was really not much. Anything she knew was from prior to S.H.I.E.L.D. funding when Jane was still associated with the university, so Darcy's threat to national security was slim to none. In light of that, the boss basically told her that his management policy with the situation would be to essentially ignore it, which did not go over particularly positively with Jane. Fury promptly refused her pleads that the organization at least monitors the girl for her safety. But where her influenced ended, Thor's surpassed. Hopping to him like a worried bunny was nothing particularly new, but asserting that his friend was in danger shifted the usual response from delicate reassurance to storming up to the powers that be and demanding the right to check on the girl himself, if they were going to insist on being useless. Obviously having an angry god of thunder stomping around was not a matter to be taken lightly, so Fury acquiesced. Rogers and Coulson would be around that week to meet with a handful of offices and departments that needed redirecting, and they would keep an eye out for the duration of the visit and look into things.

Darcy had never been a particularly lucky girl, but there was no other way to describe the timing of this particular near-death experience (she wondered if, by now, she should have been used to them, unfazed even). During an obligational drive-by to monitor the apartment following a press meeting between Coulson, Captain America, and an overstepping, manipulative councilwoman, they had noticed the broken window. Steve had been given the cold Fury run-down of this little side 'annoyance,' but he also got to hear Thor and Jane's account of the situation- an innocent, helpless young girl (and personal friend) in danger of attack due to more S.H.I.E.L.D. schemes and careless secrets like Phase Two. Thus, he leapt unhesitatingly into action and through the window. It took only moments for the attacker to be apprehended, and by the time Coulson burst in with gun at the ready, it was over. Darcy woke just as he finished the call for agents and a vehicle to transport the hostile. The first sight that welcomed her was Captain America standing over an unconscious (dead?) man dressed in black.

"I must've hit my head harder than I thought…" Her voice was raspy, strained from the pressure of a man's hands. Her neck was sore, and she was certain there would be some major marks tomorrow. The superhero was by her side in a flash, helping her up.

"Are you alright, ma'am?" She looked nervously up into his big, blue eyes and wasn't really sure how to respond, "Thor and Dr. Foster sent me."

"Wow, they sent Captain America for li'l ole me? I almost feel special." Her words still slurred somewhat. He sent her a friendly smile, trying to communicate that if she held the thunder god's trust then she held his, and brushed back his hood.

"Please, call me Steve… looks like we were here just in the nick of time." He reached for her neck, and when he looked down, he suddenly seemed to realize that she wasn't wearing a shirt. No matter how woozy she was, she would always be proud of her girls and the way they could even make a super-hero blush. It was kind of adorable that Captain America was so apple-pie he could be reduced to a nervous tween just at the sight of a nice set of twins.

She shot him a weak smile, "Yeah, thanks for that… I'm Darcy Lewis, by the way… but I guess you knew that if my friends sent you." Were they friends? She didn't know- her head hurt too much to dwell on it.

"Are you alright, Miss Lewis?" Coulson cut in, gently placing his suit jacket on her shoulders. The brunette looked up at him with recognition, and despite their muddled past, there was something comforting in his presence as well.

"Yes, thank you Agent… Agent. Good to see you again… well, not really, cuz this kinda sucks, but nothing personal." She couldn't remember his full name, and somehow even she wasn't snarky enough to call him 'Agent Coalminer' or 'Agent K' when he was being so nice to her. His expression was uncharacteristically warm for the usual superspy type, as though he generally felt sorry for what had happened to her, and she carefully slipped her arms into the sleeves.

"Agent Coulson, Miss Lewis. We have more personnel and medics coming to assist, but if you feel up to it, I can get your account now myself rather than handing it off." She knew she probably looked pretty pathetic, all banged up and scared, and Darcy made the decision to at least attempt to maintain her normal level of bad-assery. So she shrugged and nodded.

"If you would rather rest and await medical attention, Miss Lewis, it would be perfectly understandable." Steve cut in and guided her into the kitchen, seating her and shooting Coulson a look that clearly communicated his feelings that she was too delicate to be interrogated. It was chivalrous, cute even, but she was determined not to be a lame duck. She would always be kind of a joke when compared to an avenger, but at least she could minimize the embarrassment. When he delicately placed a glass of water on the table beside her, she knew she had to shake this hurt kitten thing… even if the guy doting on her was _that_ pretty.

"Don't worry about it, Cap'n Crunch, I'll be fine. Fire away, Coulson." He looked confused but not offended, and he leaned against the wall not far from her as Coulson took a seat.

The older man smirked slightly but got straight to business, "Ok, why don't you start with a rundown of all the relevant information starting from the other night, when you first attempted to make contact with Dr. Foster."

"Ok… well, I came home from work and found my apartment had been broken into and kinda trashed. Someone definitely went through my stuff and didn't care where they threw it- which, by the way, is so stupid, because the mess is just going to make it harder for them to find things, but whatever. Nothing was taken, but they looked through my computer files too."

"How do you know?" he asked. She looked at him like he was stupid.

"Well, besides the fact that my browsing history was open? I checked the files through 'My Computer' and they had all been opened recently. Either they went through by hand or they copied everything onto a separate drive, which is a major violation of privacy."

"And what did the police say when you called them?"

"I didn't call the police. Nobody knows about this except for you and everyone else at Area 51." He and the captain shared a look, and he raised an expectant eyebrow.

"Why not?" Coulson asked.

"Well, they didn't steal anything from my sad collection of crap, and they were particularly interested the stuff on my computer, like files. It looks like they even went through my IPod." She sent him a pointed and annoyed look on that note, "I'm not exactly high-up on the food chain at work, so there was only one thing I was ever involved in that would get me into this kind of a mess. Going straight to S.H.I.E.L.D. seemed like the right call to make, but it's not exactly like you guys have a 1-800 number, so I tried Jane… Foster." Was she supposed to refer to her as Jane or Dr. Foster in this circumstance? So many questions, so few answers. Regardless, the men seemed pleased with this response, impressed even. Coulson nodded in approval.

"You did the right thing, Miss Lewis. That was very perceptive and shrewd decision making."

"Uh, thanks I guess…" In her head, Darcy bitterly noted that it obviously was not enough so to make her one of their employees, since a year ago they had made it exceedingly clear that she was not coming with Jane for the relocation. She took a sip of water and could not help but glance back at Captain America, who was looking at her discerningly. It made her shiver.

"So what happened tonight?" Coulson continued.

She gestured to the lump of guy in the corner, looking at him carefully, "Dude, you tell me." He wasn't swayed, though he did seem to find her somewhat amusing.

"I'm going to need a rundown of your version of the events for the official report."

"Well, there's not much to tell. I was only home for a few minutes before that guy kamikazed my window and went all Vulcan-death-grip on my neck. I must've passed out, cuz I woke up to you guys in my apartment."

"Sorry about that, ma'am." Captain America interjected, looking bashful. Showing up uninvited in a half-naked lady's home was not something he often made a habit of, regardless of the circumstance. Darcy sent him a tiny grin.

"There are worse things to wake up to." She liked that he blushed again.

"Is that all that happened?" Agent Coulson prodded.

"Yeah… I mean, I'm assuming he's the guy responsible for the other night, or one of them at least. I guess he was worried I'd say something so he tried to whack me like a mole."

"… And that's all?"

She couldn't help looking at him funny, "Um, yeah…" From behind her, the pretty blue eyes cleared his throat uncomfortably and just about glowed red under her confused gaze.

"Miss Lewis, ma'am, I think what Agent Coulson is getting at- I mean what he's trying to ask is-… well, given your state of undress beneath your assailant, you weren't put upon in any way, were you?" Her mouth jaw dropped, and Darcy was pretty sure she was just as red as the captain when their eyes met. She flipped around to Coulson to clarify.

"Oh, oh my god no! I took off my shirt, because I was eating one-handed and I have a special talent for getting food all over my boo-… self. This guy just wanted me dead, no sexy times- or at least all the sexy times would have been the post-mortem necrophilia type."

"… Okay then…" She gave both men credit for attempting to maintain professional given her rambling. Coulson was doing a significantly better job than his buddy.

"And why were you eating one-handed?"

"Oh, I was on the phone- with Dr. Foster, actually. She had called to see how I was after I got in contact with you. She said that you guys would be coming, actually… wow, it's actually like a crazy good thing this happened tonight, huh?" She looked a little more scared at that, and both men decided not to let her know that she was being monitored, though it certainly _was_ a lucky turn of events as she turned to look at her assailant, making a mental note to call Jane back and assure her that she was, in fact, alive.

"Hey… I don't think he looked like that before…" They glance over, and sure enough the incapacitated attacker was hunched over in a different, though equally unnatural, position. Darcy found herself being gently pushed behind the bulky form of Captain America, his hood redrawn. Despite the tension of the situation, she took a good look at his ass, because really, how often was she going to be that close to such a nationally momentous body part? Coulson approached the corner cautiously, weapon drawn, and kneeled beside the man.

He paused before asking, "Did you kill him?"

"No sir," Steve answered, "I kept him alive for questioning." Before the answer was even finished, the agent was holstering his gun.

"Well, he's dead now." He tilted up the man's head, "Cyanide pill…" The implications of why a man would do that hung heavy in the air.

"Agent Coulson?" Steve asked, awaiting his next orders as Darcy peaked around his form. Coulson did not address him.

"The fact that you are alive tonight is alarmingly serendipitous, Miss Lewis. A debacle of this caliber does not usually occur under S.H.I.E.L.D. surveillance… it is gravely concerning." He glanced between the two of them, "Please excuse me; I have to make a call." Without asking, he stepped into Darcy's bedroom and shut the door, pausing only to nod to the other agents arriving on the scene. The apartment became a buzz of activity, neighbors poking their heads out to see what was going on only to be ushered back inside by government agents. Oh yeah, Darcy thought, she was going to get a lot of hand-delivered pies, lasagnas, muffin baskets… people were nosy but damn would she eat well this week.

"Ms. Lewis? Are you alright?" She turned back to the handsome blond man, his deep blue eyes clouded with concern. She must have spaced out for longer than she thought, because things were a lot more cleaned up than they had been, and some agents were even filing out with the body in tow. It was only under Steve's scrutinizing gaze that she realized she was crying, though she did not know why. With a gentle hand, she brushed them off her cheek, looking at the moisture on her fingertips in confusion. She was being a wounded kitten again, which was pathetic… though if he wanted to take her home and cuddle her like one, she would put up no fight.

The brunette shot him a watery grin, "All good, Captain Steve… So my head's a little foggy, and I think I'm the bitch that just totally forgot to thank you for saving my life."

His cheeks colored at her words, "Um, no you already did. Think nothing of it, miss. But you should probably let the nurses have a look at ya… you're looking pretty banged up."

"Sure know how to make a girl feel pretty, don't you." The teasing was weak at best.

"Oh no, ma'am, I-I'm sorry, I just meant-"

"Don't worry about it; I know it looks worse than it is. I'm tiny and breakable, bruise like a peach… But I should probably call Jane back and let her know I'm ok. She probably got an earful when that guy came crashing in."

"No need." Coulson reentered the room. "I was just speaking to Director Fury, Miss Lewis. You're going to have to come with us to a safe location until further notice." He moved to escort her out, but Darcy took a step back.

"Um, that's great and I'd totally love to come with you and all… but do you think I could put on a shirt?"

So yeah, Darcy would say she made a lasting first impression on Captain America. She may not have been as clever as Tony Stark or as fierce as Natasha Romanoff, but she had tits that made a grown man blush and enough sass to earn the begrudging respect of a seasoned secret agent. From that night on, a balance was made. He Steve was protective and chivalrous, sure, but he also couldn't keep from going red in her presence and he damn well respected her- especially after hearing her side of the Thor fiasco. Don't mess with a gal and her Taser! Unless, of course, she leaves it in her bag to enjoy topless take-out, as she explained to him. It was a good dynamic, a fun one.

And to think, they only met because of some crazy random happenstance…

And some killers entrenched in a deep conspiracy, but that's a whole different part of the story.

* * *

R_S: Voila! Some will be sillier than that, some more serious. I only have a couple written and a handful of bits of others, so we shall see. Let me know what you guys think and if you have any requests/other ideas.


	2. Triple A

R_S: Writing groups is such a bitch… this set-up definitely makes it easier, though. This was a lot of fun to write and is definitely the first of a series of these.

* * *

**Triple A**

**Full Cast  
Mentions of PepperxTony and ThorxJane (and Coulson's man-crush on the Captain)**

For most, working as a personal assistant was not a particularly demanding job. There were the boss's cranky days, coffee runs, scheduling, paperwork, and the like, but overall it was generally relegated to menial tasks and minimal personal stress, unless one took the position unusually seriously. Darcy had never been challenged by the role before, just serving as Jane's adorably snarky gofer (being the assistant also meant you got to write your own job description- _win_). She had definitely not signed up for all this. Then again, when they started working for S.H.I.E.L.D., it was naturally expected that things got more… intense. All in all, Darcy thought she managed things pretty well. She could handle hectic, she could handle top-secret, she could even handle potentially life-threatening. But the one thing she could _not_ handle was Fury's boring. as. _fuck_. debriefings that went on for hours (or at least felt like they did). And he just stares at you, that singular unblinking eye… There had been entire conversations about that eye.

_**Darcy:**_ Do you think he sleeps with one eye open? Well, his only eye open?

_**Tony:**_ No, he needs it to stare down his dreams and dare them to come. I'm pretty sure he's who Chuck Norris sees in his nightmares.

_**Darcy:**_ Well that eye sure as hell haunts my nightmares.

_**Tony:**_ I don't think he actually lost it in combat… I think he carved it out to intimidate an enemy and just didn't think the tactic through.

_**Steve:**_ Tony, that's an awful thing to say. Even about Fury.

_**Tony:**_ Calm your tits, Captain Star-Pants. I doubt it will make him cry himself to sleep.

_**Darcy:**_ Actually, I think the sound of OTHER people crying is what lulls him to sleep.

_**Tony:**_ He probably likes hearing it echo in his eye cavity.

_**Clint:**_ I'm not entirely sure that Fury even sleeps… I'm pretty sure it's too unintimidating an activity and thus he refuses to do it.

_**Darcy:**_ No way, he definitely sleeps. He could only dream up the ways he tortures us.

_**Clint:**_ What kind of a teddy bear do you think he has?

_**Darcy:**_ Stuffed Avenger dolls. Definitely. And the biggest one is a giant plush of the Hulk, this way it's size accurate when compared to the others AND it can feel like it's cuddling him back while he sleeps.

_**Bruce:**_ … Just once I would like to look at these conversations and not be disturbed.

_**Tony:**_ Well, it's better than what I can only assume Coulson's bedroom looks like- an eerie shrine to blondie. Do you think they even make Captain America sheets for any bed bigger than a twin?

_**Steve:**_ That is made significantly less funny by the fear it might be true.

Things had taken a turn for the worse when Tony decided to take it upon himself to discover whether or not Fury had any hand in Avenger merchandise or if he owned any, but it was worth it. It was a good conversation, permanently saved in her phone. Then again, all the group chats were automatically saved into the program. It was just a simple app program that allowed the group to assuage their boredom and annoyance at these endless cyclical talks. Tony called it the Avenger Amusement Alliance, partly because he liked the goofy alliteration and partly because it was like Triple A for when their brains broke down instead of their cars. He was the only one who found the second part of the joke funny. But regardless of the stupid puns and uncouth discussions, most were glad to have it.

Tony monopolized the conversation and subject matter, obviously, and equally unsurprising was the amount of input from Darcy. Bruce participated as though it were an actual conversation, throwing his two cents in at the most opportune moments. Natasha had the app and read along every meeting, but she hardly contributed, which was in contrast to Clint who loved it more than he would likely love his first-born child. Even attempting to get Thor in on it was fruitless, as not only was the phone itself and issue (he was technologically inept and had _really_ big fingers), but he simply lacked the subtlety to be trusted with clandestine conversation. Darcy finagled Jane onto the list as well, but the researcher obediently kept her phone tucked away during meetings (Darcy was pretty sure she could hear her giggling and sharing some of their better jokes with Thor later in the day, though). Steve was unable to contribute more than occasionally, since he was still getting used to the whole technology thing- luckily the chat only required that he type and press send, since someone else could access the app for him ahead of time, and he was getting better at it every meeting. And, of course, despite not being present, Pepper needed access in order to monitor Tony's debauchery. He had even thrown JARVIS in for good measure, in case they ever had a question or request mid-conversation.

So, granted they weren't deep in the midst of some alien invasion or other such deadly threat, whenever any type of S.H.I.E.L.D. meeting came around…

_**Tony:**_ Has anyone not seen 21 Jump Street yet? I just got the DVD and I don't want to watch it alone tonight.

_**Clint:**_ What, no Pepper?

_**Tony:**_ She said no :(

_**Clint:**_Sucks. Well, I might be down.

_**Steve:**_ What is 21 Jump Street?

_**Darcy:**_ It's a movie that's right up Tony's ally, with debauchery and crude humor even by modern expectations. Trust me, you wouldn't like it- there's a reason Pepper's avoiding it.

_**Tony:**_ Maybe not, but you would, Lewis. You in?

_**Darcy: **_I definitely would, but tonight's no good for me.

_**Tony:**_ Ooh hot date?

_**Darcy:**_ No, you moron. Girls' night - way more fun than anything with a penis.

_**Clint:**_ I beg to differ- I would be WAY more fun to do than that.

_**Bruce:**_ Let's not be gross, guys, for once.

_**Steve:**_ I agree. Stop bothering her, and let Darcy have fun with other girls.

_**Tony:**_ Oh believe me, Steve. Clint and I would have no problem with Darcy and other girls… ;)

_**Bruce:**_ How have you not gone to jail for sexual harassment yet?

_**Tony:**_ Pepper's always been amazing at handling me.

_**Bruce:**_ And you're lucky to have her, so if I were you, I'd stop pushing it.

_**Clint:**_ See, there's a reason I'd be more fun than girls night- I WOULD be pushing it.

_**Steve:**_ Be a gentleman, Clint.

_**Tony:**_ Oh you two need to stop getting your panties in a twist… so why can't you reschedule this estrogen extravaganza?

_**Darcy:**_ Because I'm not cancelling on the girls. We have tonight booked for this, barring giggling green explosions of Asgardian proportion.

_**Tony:**_ Well just do girl time another night and you all can come watch this with me instead. This way Pepper HAS to come.

_**Clint:**_ Yeah, I hear the chicks love it when you manipulate and trick them into doing exactly what they don't want to do. Good call, Tony.

_**Darcy:**_ Thank you, my sentiments exactly Clint. So buzz off, Stark.

_**Tony:**_ Fiiiiiine… so what will tonight's girls' night entail? At home spa? Chick flicks? Going to a club and standing in a circle around your pocketbooks.

_**Darcy:**_ You watch way too much tv. How do you have a girlfriend when you know absolutely nothing about women?

_**Tony:**_ I know everything that's important. Trust me.

_**Darcy:**_ Classy. Anyway, we're just doing a casual dinner and a movie, maybe a few glasses of wine after.

_**Clint:**_You sure that's not a date?

_**Darcy:**_ If it looks like I'm gonna get lucky, I promise I'll send you pics.

_**Clint:**_ That's all I ask.

_**Tony:**_ So if that's it, then why can't you just reschedule?

_**Darcy:**_ Tony.

_**Tony:**_ Alright, geez Miss Uppity…

_**Tony:**_ Wait, what movie are you going to see?

_**Darcy:**_ Why does it matter?

_**Tony:**_ Just curious…

_**Clint:**_ Are you looking at movie show times on your phone?

_**Steve:**_ Oh wow, I haven't been to a double feature in a dog's age.

_**Clint:**_ And you won't for another animal's age, cuz they pretty much don't exist anymore.

_**Darcy:**_ Be nice… and Tony, stop stalking us. You can't come.

_**Tony:**_ But I don't get it… you've already seen Brave, Rock of Ages, Snow White and the Huntsman, and Madagascar 3, because clearly we don't give you enough work to do. There's nothing new and animated for you to coo over.

_**Darcy:**_ I'm so disturbed… how do you know that?

_**Bruce:**_ Tony, that is excessively unhealthy.

_**Tony:**_ Oh my god, THAT'S why you don't want to reschedule- you're seeing Magic Mike aren't you, you dirty girl!

_**Clint:**_ The male stripper movie?

_**Steve:**_ Burlesque girls can be men now? And they make movies about them? That just don't seem right… should a lady be going to see that?

_**Darcy:**_ I'm not going to dignify that with a response.

_**Clint:**_ Steve, I'd quit on that one if I were you.

_**Tony:**_ No no, I think we should continue to focus on why Darcy is a pervert for choosing Magic Mike over 21 Jump Street.

_**Bruce:**_ What is this, Channing Tatum night?

_**Tony:**_There's nothing wrong with him as an actor, providing his clothes stay ON. Don't be a harlot, Ms. Lewis.

_**Natasha:**_ There is nothing perverse about Dr. Foster, Ms. Potts, Ms. Lewis, and I enjoying a comedy as legal adults. This conversation ends now, Stark.

_**Tony:**_ … Pep's seeing it this? Why would she go see Channing Tatum naked over me? He's not even a good actor!

* * *

R_S: ooh, Tasha told them! And poor Tony has a complex now, haha. Let me know what you think! =)


	3. Darcy's Double Down

R_S: Science bros!

* * *

**Darcy's Double Down  
****Tony, Darcy, Bruce  
Very Slight Mention of StevexDarcy**

"I've decided something." Tony said suddenly.

"Oh yeah?" Darcy asked sardonically, "What's that?" She was sitting on the counter, swinging her legs back and forth carelessly and eating a sandwich. Well, it wasn't _really_ a sandwich, it was a KFC Double Down ("Cheesy bacon between two slabs of meaty goodness" she called it, though Bruce insisted that anything that disgusting barely qualified to be called food, let alone a decent sandwich).

"You're not female. You pretend you're a girl, but you're not." The comment was so dry, stated so simply and factually as he tinkered with some fancy science-y contraption, that she didn't quite know what to say. Bruce just snorted from across the room, knowing well enough by then not to get in the middle of their banter or even try to remove food from Darcy's grasp, despite the rules about eating in the lab.

"Dude. Have you _seen_ me? These babies could knock a freakin' satellite out of orbit." Her chest was thrust out, hands hovering just around the goods but careful not to get any 'greasy goodness' on her shirt. That was just about the last thing she needed- Clint mocking the dirty hand prints on her tits.

Tony bit his tongue, utilizing all meager reserves of his self-control to keep in a comment that would make Pepper kill him (and somehow he just _knew_ she'd find out), instead asking, "Why are you even here, kid?" Bruce seemed proud that Tony could control himself, if not a bit perturbed by the commentary on a young girl's chest.

Darcy continued to pick at her 'food,' "I'm avoiding Jane on her day off."

"Oh yeah?" asked Bruce in amusement, "Why is that?"

"Well, they won't let her use her day off to keep working and Thor _doesn't_ have the day off, so that leaves one activity to amuse her: shopping. Bros, I hate shopping. And I was already at the mall with her for hours before I came here, it's where I scored this deliciousness." She held up the Double Down before returning it to face level, "I can't take any more of it, I just can't. It's torture."

"And locking yourself in a lab with us is less so?"

"Seriously," Tony drawled, not even looking up from his work, "you had no better options?"

"Well I can't shadow what Thor's doing, and I think Fury and Coulson have _inexplicably_ built up an immunity to my adorable whimsy that charms you all so." The men snorted at that, but she continued as if she hadn't heard, "Who knows where Clint and Natasha are, and I wouldn't want to be used for target practice anyway. And just sitting watching Steve sweat at the gym while I stuff my face seems unhealthy on a multitude of levels."

"Creep."

She grinned back, "The creepiest."

"Well if you're gonna hang around, at least make yourself useful." She put down the sandwich and slid off the counter, wiping off her hands.

"Fine. What would you like me to do?"

"Do you see my hemostats around here?" He was sifting through piles of tools. She meandered over and looked with him, though touching minimally.

"Hemostats, hemostats… Nope, don't see any." Tony stopped to look over at her, one eye-brow raised.

"Do you even know what a hemostat is?"

"… No. No I do not."

He rolled his eyes and returned to what he was doing, "Never mind, I'll use something else… Hand me the soldering gun."

"Ooh, I know what that is!" She bounced off to grab it, along with a tin of soldering paste,

"Where do you keep the solder?"

"Second drawer to your left."

"Ok… Silver or 'Rosin Centered?'"

"Definitely not silver." She handed him the materials and moved to pick up her sandwich,

"Not until you wash your hands; there's lead in that." Darcy deflated, since there was no sink in the immediate vicinity, but brightened again quickly when she pulled a beer out of her bag and slammed it open on the edge of the counter.

"Mmm… remind me to ask Thor who the god of booze is so I can worship him."

"You brought beer?"

"Yup!" She let the 'p' at the end pop.

"I knew I liked you."

"Everybody does."

"A hemostat is a locking medical clamp." Bruce cut in from across the room.

Darcy looked over, "Wha?" He shrugged.

"He never told you what one was, thought you might like to know."

"Oh, thanks… why do you have medical clamps? You _definitely_ shouldn't be operating on _anyone_."

Tony chuckled, "Thanks for the vote of confidence. It also works as a clamp for this kind of thing."

"But you have a C-clamp right next to you…" she trailed off as Tony stopped what he was doing and pushed away to turn and look at her, "What?"

"So you decided you'd rather hang out and have a KFC Double Down and a beer with two bros than be around another girl, a diligent effort to avoid shopping, and you know about soldering, clamps, and god only knows what other manly shenanigans. But yeah, you're a girl." He snorted and rolled his eyes, returning to his work.

"Ok, new plan then." She gathered her sandwich and her things and started to make her way out of the lab.

"What about washing your hands?" Bruce called out reproachfully. She wondered fleetingly when so many men in the tower became paternal/uncle/big brother figures.

"I'm looking lead poisoning in the freakin' in the mouth and saying 'suck it' and enjoying my meal while I go stare at Captain America's ass, so you" she addressed Tony, "can suck it too!"

"TMI, ya perv." he called out after her, before adding "But thanks for the beer!" She had left her half-finished bottle and a couple others on the counter. The door was closed before Tony finished, but they were all laughing anyway.

"Tony, please don't drink and weld, at least not while I'm in the room."

* * *

R_S: Admit it- we all write Darcy like a teenage boy: sarcastic, oversexed, with only touches of femininity that are valiantly covered up.

Leave a review, please! =)


	4. A Terribly Great Intervention

Tony gets addicted to interventions and goes a little overboard staging one for Steve.

R_S:This one was a lot of fun to write. It just sort of came to me one night, and then while I was writing it, I found myself imagining the scene to look like the one in the movie 'Must Love Dogs.'

* * *

**A Terribly Great Intervention  
****(mostly) Full Cast  
Implied StevexDarcy, TonyxPepper, ThorxJane, BrucexBetty, Hints of ClintxNatasha**

Tony sometimes had some really terrible ideas, but this one took the cake. That was what Bruce Banner told himself as the aforementioned scientist dragged him with the rest of the Avengers, planning to drop by Steve's unannounced. Recently the idiot savant (because really, that's what Tony was sometimes) had been watching reruns of some trashy reality show, Intervention, and they had become his new pet hobby. Most of the time it was a joke, like when he told Natasha she should stop wearing muumuus and embrace more form-fitting clothing or the time he tried to convince Hawkeye he needed counseling because he was, in fact, not a bird. His jokes were always lame and snarky, and they all either brushed them off or just hurt him a bit. It was when he tried to have a Captain America fanboy intervention with Coulson that things got out of hand. They dared not speak of most of what occurred. But after it was over, the agent did explain that in order to properly have an intervention, all those who care and support the individual must be there and contribute, so could he please get his thumbs out of his ass and do something productive, thank you.

Unfortunately, Tony absorbed the wrong message in the end, and decided he needed the input of his teammates to conduct the "most important intervention of all our lives." They had been given homework and some were manipulated into participation, but they were all making their way to their last teammate's home regardless of why. Tony knocked purposefully on the door.

"Uh, hi… what are you guys doing here?" Steve's eyes were wide, swirling with confusion as they fell upon the group, whom Tony pushed through the door before the question was finished. As he passed, Bruce muttered a fleeting "Get out while you can," but his friend was too taken aback to heed the warning.

Tony looked somber as he entered last, motioning toward a plush armchair, "Please, Steven, have a seat."

"Um, ok…" Despite his trepidation, he did as he was told and settled in but leaned forward on his knees looking concerned. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes, Steve. But don't worry; we can help you."

"Tony, what are you talking about now?" Exasperation was clear in his tone.

"This is an intervention. We are all here because we care and want to see you succeed…" he paused before nodding sagely, "at getting a life." To say the Captain was shocked and angered might have been the greatest understatement since Pepper had described Tony as 'sometimes a little difficult to manage.'

"What in the- are you really serious right now?"

"Extremely. Stevie, you need a woman in your life. Don't you want to be blissfully happy like Pep and I?"

He glared, "If that's what she's like blissfully happy, I'd hate to see how miserable she was before you two were together." Tony wagged his finger in response.

"Now, now- I know this is an emotional experience for you, so I'm gonna let that slide."

"It's not. We should leave." Bruce cut in flatly, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Thank you. It's good to know someone's on my side." Steve commented darkly.

"Oh no, he's part of this too." Tony clarified, "He's just less enthusiastic."

"Really, Bruce? Even you?"

He shrugged balefully, "Sorry buddy, it's either you or me, and it's not gonna be me."

"Besides," the science bros sat down on the couch, "at least the girl _he's_pining over is from this century. I know it sucks, but you can't stay stuck in this rut, in love with a dead girl. You've gotta move on, Rogers." Thor winced on his behalf, and Clint and Natasha were leaning against the wall watching him as his mouth flopped a few times, trying to formulate a response and decide how offended he was. And he certainly was offended, but he had feelings on it too. It hurt to admit it, but Tony was right: he couldn't spend the rest of his life wondering 'what if?' about Peggy. She had died last year of a broken heart after being widowed. She had loved someone else, and so could he. But that didn't mean he wanted Tony asshat Stark to have a hand in his love life. Looking around the room, though, he realized that Tony wasn't going to back off until he had his way, so Steve decided to bite the bullet.

He sighed, "Let's get this over with." Tony literally clapped his hands in delight, whipping out a manila folder.

"Good! I told everyone to bring in a picture or a file on a nice lady they thought you might like to meet or 'court' or whatever it is you old curmudgeons call it. Since I've probably got the best taste, I'll start. I even brought extra, so don't you worry."

Steve groaned, rubbing his face with his hands, "I can't wait."

"Great, because lucky for you, I know a lot, and I mean a _lot_of models."

"A model, Stark? Really?" Clint commented amusedly.

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"Hey man, I love models as much as the next guy, but don't you think given the fact that this is _Steve_we're talking about, he should be with someone used to wearing a bit more clothing?"

Natasha nodded, "Indeed. Also, I don't think Captain America should be seen running around with someone intellectually stunted."

"Hey!" Tony pouted, "It's my turn! When it's your turn, you can tell us what he needs in a woman."

"I'd like to point out that I'm not an animal, you can't just decide to mate me with one of these girls." Everyone continued with the discussion of Tony's models as though he had no say in his own life, and he wondered if he should even bother trying to contribute to the discussion or just let it play out.

"Just show us who you brought, Stark."

"Ok, first: Brunelly Brookes. Well, that's her stage name at least, her real one is Freda or Fannie or something, I dunno, she's South American. But look at her: she's hot, foreign, and you can barely see the scars from where she's had work done! Trust me; I would know." He winked as he handed the photo over, "I would also know that she is an absolute wild in-" The blond blanched and tossed the picture down.

"No, no way. I'm not dating anyone you've… y'know… slept with."

"… Not anyone?"

"No."

"Even if it was just the one time?"

"No, Tony."

"What if we didn't sleep together, just fooled around a little in a closet or something?"

"_No_."

"Oh… well then… I got nothing. Clint?" The archer shot him a look that clearly read 'I told you so' before holding up a picture of a blond woman. She was attractive in a haughty way, with her hair woven neatly into an elaborate braid that draped over her shoulder. Her eyes were a dull, mossy green, though she tried to make them pop a bit with her very precise and perfectly applied make-up.

"Brianna Larkin, one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s field agents. I've never worked with her personally, though, since she actually doesn't go out on a lot of missions… which is good, I guess, for the sake of availability. But I see her doing paperwork a lot in headquarters."

Natasha shook her head, "No, I don't like her. There's a reason she's hardly utilized. She believes herself to be on par with Agents like Coulson, but she's careless and makes mistakes during missions- opened friendly fire on us once and refused to take responsibility. The Captain can do better than an incompetent debutante."

Tony motioned forward, "Your counter offer, Miss Romanoff?" She dropped a picture on the coffee table. It was a tall waspish woman with sharp, dark eyes and a pointed nose. Her pitch black hair was cut in a short A-line bob that stopped at her cheekbones, emphasizing their severity. She was sexy, if you like women who were deadly and mysterious. She looked like she could have been named Black Widow instead of Natasha.

"This is Imogen Bronte. She's much more adept at her job, with efficiency that almost rivals most. I once saw her kill a man by-"

"Ok, wait a minute, can I just say something on Steve's behalf?" Bruce cut in, "We aren't looking for an addition to the team here. I'm pretty sure how well she could kill him in his sleep isn't the kind of thing one looks for in a romantic profile." She raised an eyebrow.

"Clint and I merely thought it would be prudent to pair the Captain with an individual who is capable of fending for herself and unfazed by his notoriety. One equally adept at combat seemed to make a handsome choice."

"Again- not an animal." When no one responded for a second time, Steve resigned further resigned himself to the group discussing him as though he wasn't there.

"Well, by that logic you might as well find out if Agent Hill is single. But Steve isn't an aggressive guy. And keep in mind the role of women in his time. He's not a chauvinist by any means, but I think an assassin would be overwhelming. Which is part of why I am, as I'd like to point out once more, against this idea."

Tony rolled his eyes, "Less complaining, more contributing. What 'swell dame' do you think is right for him?"

"Well… all I brought was Deena Ropp." The S.H.I.E.L.D. employee identification picture showed a mousy woman with large glasses and frizzy ginger hair. Before anyone could really get a good look at her, Tony snatched the photo in abject horror.

"Bruce, why oh dear god _why_did you pick her?"

"Not sure… I don't really know her, and uh, we never actually talked. But I needed to find a girl for this stupid thing and I know she works in the lab late on Friday nights."

"Yeah… where she chews her own hair. No. Just no." He ripped the photo up and tossed the scraps behind him, "Alright Thunderpants, you're our last hope. Whacha got?" Everyone turned to him expectantly. And Thor, being Thor, brought a painting of a woman from another realm.

"We have not any cameras, as you call them, in Asgard. However, we do have some of the loveliest maidens in all the realms. May I present do you Lady Sif, who oft battles alongside myself and the Warriors Three!"

"See," Clint pointed out, "armor clad ass-kicking girlfriend trumps ditzy half-naked model girlfriend."

"Indeed. She is brave, and I have known her since my youth." He went on to describe a handful of shenanigans they had all gotten into, particularly the tale of her golden hair being lost to Loki's trickery. Still, they couldn't imagine dealing with a female version of Thor, and Steve seemed nonplussed at best. For once, Tony had the grace to disapprove of the prince's childhood friend delicately.

"Well, as lovely as she seems, big fella, we kinda need someone in slightly closer proximity. As in, they need to actually be accessible and of our world."

Bruce shrugged, "So I guess that's it. Sorry Tony, you gave it your best. Now let's leave Steve in peace." The genius looked kind of like someone kicked his puppy.

"Well… I do know one eligible Midgardian maiden, but I did not know if I should bring her up. She is unlike the others we have spoken of."

Natasha chuckled, "The Captain seems displeased with our other offers, where's the harming in considering one more."

"She was whom I first thought of for Steve of the Stars, but Jane did not think it was a good idea. I brought a picture anyway, for I was not certain." He pulled it out and held it forward for Tony to take, "She is called Darcy Lewis, and she is of this realm."

"You mean Dr. Foster's intern?" Clint clarified, looking over at him.

"Yes. You know of her?"

"Yeah, saw her and your buddy Sif down in Puente Antiguo when I was stationed in the base S.H.I.E.L.D. put up around your hammer. She's pretty cute."

"You were there on those hard days, good friend?"

"Dude, when you broke into the encampment, I was supposed to shoot you. For what it's worth, though, I was rooting for you by the end." Thor looked pleased at that and grinned.

"Were I to have fallen that night, I would still call myself proud to have been bested by such a gifted ally."

"Uh, thanks. Anyway, there's a file on her somewhere that we can get access to if needed."

"Yes," Tony was nodding excitedly, looking down at the picture, "yes, this is what I'm talking about! Check this chick out!" He handed the picture over to Bruce as Clint pulled up access to her file.

"She's pretty." The doctor commented in acquiescence.

"Yeah, and check out her rack! Barton, Thor, what you do you have on her?"

"Darcy has aided my Jane in much of her research to connect our worlds, but she is not an expert in such matters." Thor started. Clint continued for him.

"She's a Political Science major who took the internship for 6 college credits, graduates at the end of this semester, just turned 21... She's pretty white bread, actually. Nothing more than parking and speeding tickets, one of each, and a warning for loitering when she was 16." Bruce passed the photograph to the agents.

"I do not know what that means… but in some ways she reminds me of you, Man of Iron."

"That's worrisome." Natasha was looking over the picture appraisingly, "Does she fight?"

"Lady Darcy is a true warrior! When I first came upon this realm, she wielded a mighty weapon she called 'Taser' and defeated me, though admittedly I was in a weakened form at the time." Clint looked up from the photo with one eyebrow raised.

"Thor, you do realize a girl carries a Taser for self-defense when she _doesn't_know how to fight." Suffice to say he did not, and the conversation got off track very quickly as they explained the uses and history of Tasers to Steve and him. After a surprisingly lengthy discussion given the topic, in which Thor recounted his experience with the weapon in greater detail, Tony brought the group back to the important matter at hand.

"So you're close with Taser girl, Thor? Or at least your girlfriend is?"

The blond nodded, "She works with Jane daily, and I see her often as well. She occasionally makes crude comments about us or pulls joyous pranks on Jane and Erik, but she always makes up for her sharp tongue with gifts of coffee. She is very playful and quite kind."

"Well, this Lewis chick sounds like my kind of girl." He plucked her picture from Clint and handed it over to the man of the hour, "What do you think, Cap?"

Steve looked down at the picture. Large and stretching from her waist to just past the top of her head, it was clearly taken by an agent who had been tailing and observing the girl. Her big blue eyes were looking straight at the camera without even realizing as she gazed out lazily. She was lovely, there was no denying that, with full pink lips and smooth pale skin. The wind must have been blowing her hair to the side, lifting tangles of dark waves to expose one side of her neck and shoulder while a few rebellious tendrils flew into her face. The tank top she war was modest but challenged by her generous (to put it lightly) bust. But she also looked young and approachable, and if he had met her in person, not awkwardly been handed a picture of her, he might have actually been able to hold a short conversation with her before swallowing his own tongue in bashfulness. As he studied her, he realized that his idiot friends were likely waiting on his response.

"She's very pretty."

Tony double punched the air victoriously, "Yeah she is! So whaddya say? Is she the winner or do we need a round two?"

Steve sighed, rolling his eyes, "If I agree to let you set me up on this date, will you promise never to bother me with this stupid idea ever again?" He nodded eagerly.

"As long as you give it a real shot, yes. Yes, absolutely oh Captain my Captain! I'll talk to Dr. Foster about it ASAP!"

"Then fine, yes. Now excuse me, I'm going to the gym." They filtered out (Bruce apologetically), Tony talking a mile a minute about getting in touch with Dr. Foster and how when Steve and 'the busty little intern' got married, he would get to be the best man. He just thought the whole thing was ridiculous.

But then Steve was acutely aware of thinking, the first time he and Darcy finally met, that sometimes Tony had some great ideas.

* * *

R_S:I'm thinking of writing a continuation of this where Darcy has to be convinced to be set up. What did you guys think? Poor Steve, getting pulled into Tony's shenanigans…

Please leave a review!


	5. Girl Out of Time

R_S: This piece is for **DGfleetfox**, who has been super awesome in her support of these stories. Much love! So here you are: a short piece that focusses more on Captain America's perspective on Darcy. It's not quite his POV, more third-person focused on his stream of consciousness, but it's the best I thought I could do while keeping him decently in character.

Prompt: "Perhaps a request for a one-shot would be one from Steve's POV, and how Darcy reminds him of women from his time period - and how he likes her at first because of that, but then gets to know her character (gal's got sass and gumption to spare) and appreciates her even more, plus she's really humorous - Steve is usually written as very serious no nonsense that she'd be the yin to his yang so to speak. Yeah, that'd definitely be something I would love to read."

Also, I tossed a bit of old-school slang in there, since it's kind of from Steve's POV. If it's not explained in the story, there will be a footnote at the end. I tried not to put in too many, just enough to make it more relatable to Steve's mind.

* * *

**Girl Out of Time**

**Steve, Darcy, Bruce, Tony  
StevexDarcy, Vague Hints of TonyxPepper and maybe TonyxBruce**

Being around Darcy Lewis was frustrating. Steve liked her, really he did. Or at least, he thought he did. She _seemed_nice, on the rare occasions he interacted with her. They were few and far between, though, because, well, it was just really hard to stop blushing around her. He had never been particularly adept with the ladies; it used to be that just a smile from one could make him blush. But something about Darcy made him blush just when he was in the same room as her. That was something too humiliating to face if Stark ever found out about it. For weeks after she and Dr. Foster began working with the team regularly, he couldn't figure out what turned him into such a simpering mass whenever she was around.

She looked like a girl out of time.

It finally hit him one day in June, during an uncharacteristically warm early afternoon. Dr. Foster had sent her on some errand to an obscure store deep in Harlem to find a part that was not in production any more. Apparently, though, she knew the gentleman who owned the shop, and he still had a handful he was willing to part with for a decent price (not that it much mattered with S.H.I.E.L.D. and Tony Stark footing the bill, but old habits die hard and the pretty doctor had too good a head on her shoulders to just throw money around). Darcy had stumbled in looking parched from the summer heat, carefully dumping the packages onto the table, and she leaned against a chair to take deep cooling breaths. There was nothing special about the way she was dressed, just a button-up and jean shorts, with her hair tied up in a messy bun. She wasn't even holding herself in a particularly classy or alluring way, moist skin making some loose girls stick to her neck while a single bead of sweat dripped down to a place he _really_shouldn't have been looking. But something about the whole package made him think of some young girls from his time that tried to dress like pin-up pictures, and he was so embarrassed he had to excuse himself (after, of course, offering the poor lady a glass of water).

It was strange. So many women he had known tried so hard to achieve that look- perfectly coiffing their hair, carefully examining their wardrobe, striking poses _just so_. Darcy, though, she just sort of managed it, careless messy hair and a blouse that might have had a stain on it. Her body was built like a caricature, with real curves and soft lines you just didn't see on the harsh women of the modern world. She didn't have to work at the pose against the chair; she just had some natural Betty Boop silliness that came about. She reminded him of Ava Gardner, only softer and a little more… was real the right term? Steve didn't know anymore. Things were just so different now, and there was something so disarmingly comforting about looking at Darcy Lewis.

After a while, he found himself doing it more often. He would find his way into the labs to ask Tony and Bruce questions about technology he really didn't need the answers to, but he wasn't exactly sure why. They both caught on pretty fast (though what they were catching onto, he had no idea) and started coming up with more reasons for him to be there, just so he didn't look quite so helpless. They thought he had a crush on her, not that he did. At least, he didn't _think _he did… He didn't know her, not like he knew other girls he'd had crushes on. Darcy was just pretty was all and classic looking, and it made her comfortable to look at.

On days when she had to dress more professionally, perhaps because Commander Fury or one of his higher-ranking personnel were coming to check in, she looked even more 'retro,' and it made his heart stop. She looked like a secretary for one of his commanding officers with a modern twist, neat pencil-skirts or slacks with a pressed blouse and blazer. Her curls were never allowed to fly out and wild on these days, always pulled back neatly and professionally. She even wore heels when they came around, which was relatively unheard of otherwise. These were also the only days she wore lipstick, bright cherry red and smoothly painted across her full lips. It made his mouth dry and his whole body warm, but by the end of the day, his heart would ache. He would go to bed that night comparing it to something Peggy would have worn, but where she would have been comfortable, Darcy always seemed a bit doggy (1). Steve wondered if they would have liked each other, if they both liked guns and hated chaos, since they both made his heart do a funny thing. Maybe there were other similarities there.

With all the time spent there, he started to notice more things about her, too. Like, when she couldn't quite make out Dr. Foster's notes, she furrowed her brow and parted her lips. She always fiddled with her coffee before she drank it, pouring in sugar and cream and sometimes even flavoring, but then she would have to drink a few more cups to make up for how diluted it was. She always had her phone out, playing with it, and the more nervous or upset or flustered she was, the more her fingers moved across its edges like some sort of modern safety blanket. She wore knit hats whenever it was cold, and she always had gum in her purse. Usually her body was well covered with a soft modern sweatshirt, but on the occasions when her chest was more on display and some creep was looking, she always blushed brightly but never said anything about it. She daydreamed a lot, too, staring into space with eyes unfocussed and her head at a tilt until Jane got her back on track. And she typed so fast it was almost alarming.

* * *

Surprisingly, Bruce was the first one to bring her up. He asked one day when they were alone in the lab; he was working on something under the microscope after Steve felt bad for always getting in the scientist's way and got the man some dinner. It was casual, careless even, and the query took Steve by surprise.

"Have you talked to her?"

"What?"

"Darcy, have you talked to her? She hasn't noticed you come down here to stare at her, but she's just about the only one. You know, some women may find that a bit off-putting. You should try actually talking to her."

His cheeks colored, "I-I don't come down here to stare at her." Bruce chuckled at that.

"Look, it's obvious you mean well. You're a good kid." Steve wondered how much he had spoken about this with Tony- usually Stark was the only one that called him a kid- but had no answer.

Sensing his uncertainty, Banner continued, "She's a sweet kid, too. We grab lunch every so often and talk, and Tony's really quite fond of her." Well that was news- he wasn't aware she spoke to them, let alone that they were friends.

"Oh, um… really?"

"Yeah, though I'll be honest- Tony really only started talking to her when he found out you had… taken a shining to her, I believe is how you would have put it."

He laughed at that, appreciating the effort, "Yeah, something like that… Thanks, by the way, for keeping Tony quiet about this whole thing. I know you and Pepper had something to do with that."

"Don't mention it. Actually, he's been surprisingly unlike himself about this, to be honest. It was his idea to find out more about her before you started coming around as much."

"You guys really did that for me?" Bruce shot him a warm, friendly smile.

"What are friends for?

"And she's not rationed? Going steady, I mean." The explanation was necessary at the confused look.

"No," he laughed, "she's been on a couple of dates recently, but she's not seeing anyone. You should talk to her, trust me. Now get some sleep- you've spent far too many hours in here today, considering you're not actually a scientist." Steve agreed and said his goodbyes, making his way to the door.

"And Steve," he paused to turn back for a moment, "for what it's worth, we both thing she'd be good for you. Pepper does too."

* * *

When Steve finally worked up the nerve to talk to her, it wasn't for any extraordinary reason. In fact, it wasn't even his idea. It had been a couple days since his talk with Bruce, which Stark clearly knew about since he kept shooting him furtive glances and jerking his head in Darcy and Dr. Foster's general direction. Luckily, the lab was quiet that day- only the five of them. He made no secret of the fact that he thought Steve was taking too long, and though he did not openly second the notion, Bruce obviously agreed given the fact he wasn't reigning in the man's meddling. When he finally did seem alarmed by the silly savant's involvement, it was too late, and Stark had already decided to take a more proactive role in the situation.

"Yo, Lewis- c'mere." Darcy looked up from the notes she was just finishing typing out and sighed, clearly used to the man's shenanigans. Steve wondered, not for the first time since finding out, how he never before noticed the dynamic between his teammates and this girl.

"Yes, master, how ever may I serve you?" Her voice was sharp and sarcastic as she wandered over, flicking some hair behind her shoulder. It did not escape his notice that she was not fiddling with her phone, simply clutching it loosely in one hand, the other coming to rest on her hip.

"I like that. You shall refer to me thusly from now on." She snorted inelegantly, and the noise took him by surprise.

"You wish. So what did you need?"

"I'm hungry. Make food happen."

"Um, ok. Am I supposed to cook or pick something up or…?" She let the question hang, lifting her hand from her person and using it to gesture carelessly.

"Pick something up. In fact, I'm feeling nice today, so get some for everyone. Extra too, in case somebody decides to pull late hours. I'm feeling Shuwarma."

She made a face, "Ew, no. Thai?"

"Ooh, yeah- I could go for some Pad Thai. Alright, go get lots of Thai for everyone from that place down the street. Hop to it, chop chop." Tony gave two sharp claps, earning him a withering look.

"Ok, and I'm carrying all this how?"

"Ah, right…" he pretended to think for a moment and, to his defense, did a surprisingly good job of acting like this wasn't a total and complete set-up, "take Steve with you." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the sweet faced soldier, causing them to make sudden eye contact. He was struck by how blue her eyes were. Her face was a little different than he had thought too, with a couple beauty marks peppering the porcelain white and her chin longer and more pronounced that it seemed from afar. It was at this point Steve realized that he may have crossed onto a creepy level while watching this girl.

Tony continued prattling on, "Darcy, you've met Steve, right? Steve, you know Darcy."

She nodded casually, "Yeah, we've met a few times. And isn't he in here helping you, like, every freakin' day?"

"Yes, Brucey and I have abducted him from very important meat-head activities at the gym. I am certain he is sorely missed. So where's my food?" That earned him an easy eye-roll.

"Alright Steve, if you're up for this death-defying excursion, I'll call in ahead on the way. But I should warn you," she met his eyes again, this time with mock seriousness, and Steve was pretty sure he was blushing harder than he ever had in his life, "this mission isn't for the faint of heart, like those namby-pamby S.H.I.E.L.D. assignments." He could only nod dumbly, but that seemed to be enough of a response for her, as she grabbed his harm and dragged him from the room. The last thing Steve saw was Bruce's wide, apologetic eyes.

* * *

Steve learned a lot of things about her that day, things he didn't expect. She didn't know he was Captain America for starters- well, to be rather clear, no one had before confirmed that he was Captain America. She already knew Thor, Banner, and Stark personally, and she had seen Natasha and Clint around, so when Steve had wandered into the lab all chummy with the science bros, she made an educated guess. However, strictly speaking, express knowledge of the Avengers was above her pay raise. But she was clever, hyper-aware even, though she hid it well. She might zone out on her phone, but whenever she wasn't playing angry birds, she could tell you what idiot driver was about to blow a light or if someone was staring at you with hardly a glance around. She'd almost make a good spy if she didn't talk so much.

And Darcy _did _talk a lot. She was silly, a bit childish in little ways, and shameless in her commentary. It was such a stark contrast to Peggy, the women he had been comparing her to, perhaps unfairly. These were different times after all, where a woman wasn't questioned in the same way. The country wasn't struggling from the war; she was free to be childish- like all that sugar she put in her coffee. Interestingly, he found that she was childish but not immature. She knew things, she had class, she could conduct herself… she was just rough around the edges. Where Peggy had been smooth, black coffee, Darcy was filled with sugar and spice, like the old rhyme said.

They talked almost nonstop while walking to the restaurant, while waiting for their order, and even on the way back, arms laden with food (he would allow her to carry no more than one bag, two when he realized he would have trouble balancing them all). It took Steve a while to ease up enough to really talk, but not as long as he thought it would. He hadn't noticed, but being around her essentially nonstop the past few weeks, even if there was no actual interaction, had made him less jumpy in her presence. He found her friendly and breezy, careless about what she would tell him. It was refreshing after spending so much time around secretive G-Men (2) and eccentric billionaires. When they got back to the lab, they found that they still had so much more to talk about. Steve didn't even mind the smug look on Tony's face or the slightly patronizing smile on Bruce's.

After that day, they were practically inseparable. They talked constantly, accompanied each other on errands, and even did nothing together. He was learning so much more about what she was like, how different she was from any other woman he had ever met. Natasha he almost didn't think of as a woman, seeming so stolid and secretive and tough. The rest were all from the 40s, and none were really like Darcy. She swore like a sailor, punctuating particularly important points with violent cusses and gestures. She made pop culture references every ten seconds, and even though she acted exasperated when he didn't get them, she wasted no time in explaining and seemed even excited to do so. She was such a product of her time, always fiddling with gadgets and lusting over the next big thing. She dressed in men's clothes when she was lounging or felt sick, particularly her ex-boyfriends' (which bothered him more than it should), and read two or three books a week. She always cried at Disney movies but loved them regardless, and really, she teared up over just about anything, which didn't make it any less awful when she did. Once, he found her crying, and after much coaxing, he found out it was because she overheard some guy in another department saying that she should play to her strengths and stick to stripping, whatever kept her from distracting the competent workers surrounding her. That guy found himself transferred to the worst assignment S.H.I.E.L.D. had to offer. Sometimes being Captain America had its perks. Later he would regret not taking a more physical stand on the issue when she was wondering whatever happened to the agent and admitted he was probably just mad because she tased him when he tried to put the moves on her in a supply closet. Darcy was like that; always trying to downplay things and take care of herself. She wasn't the classic damsel in distress, she was buxom and bright and full of gumption. Steve marveled at how it was amazing how much women had changed and continued to evolve after the war.

But the more things changed, the more things stayed the same. Darcy was all sass and spark with him, but whenever some guy came up to her on the street, there were the same blushes and batted eyes he saw on every gal. It was even more pronounced when he would move closer in beside her and watch the guy scamper off. She liked to giggle and loved to gossip, and she absolutely beamed whenever he held open a door. Just as men posture to assert dominance, she postured with women to assert their own hierarchy, and whenever there was a bug, it was always Steve's job to protect her and slay the fiendish insect foe. She loved old pop songs, particularly from the fifties, and she kept clippings of her favorite vintage threads she couldn't afford. In a weird way, she was kind of like an alternate Peggy's kid sister, with all her bravado and suavity, and an added youthful exuberance and ingenuity.

She was a girl out of time, made up of different decades. She was an oxymoron of sameness and difference. Her make-up had to be done a certain way, or she felt weird and under-dressed going out- even if she was only planning to wear sweatpants and flip-flops. She would often break out into random song and dance, if only to see him blush, but swore she hated her voice, and she hated getting dirty but loved getting soaked in the rain. She loved the smell of coconut but hated the taste of it, loved spontaneity but hated chaos.

Steve was pretty sure they spent so much time together that he knew everything there was to know about Darcy. He had seen all her clothes at least twice, and he knew all her favorite movies. He knew when Tony, Jane, and Bruce would be ok with his distracting her and when it was best to let her work uninterrupted. It seemed ridiculous in hindsight, but the change in how he spent his days wasn't even all that noticeable to him until _Coulson_started asking them where the other was. It became much more obvious how much time they were spending together when bits of his slang found their way into her daily vernacular. Jane would give her crazy looks whenever she said things like "I'm gonna take a powder,"(3) or asked "What's buzzin', cousin?"(4) or said things were 'swell' or 'killer-diller.'(4) But it made Steve feel warm and fuzzy whenever he heard them, because he knew she was listening to him as much as he listened to her. Well, maybe not, because he was pretty sure he had memorized just about every word she had ever said, but he was certain she listened.

There were other tells that Darcy was getting to know him, too. She could tell when he was thinking about Peggy and Bucky and everyone from his past, and she wait until his was completely distracted to suddenly drop what she was doing and tackle him in a fierce hug that always seemed to make him feel better. Then she would just sit and hold his hand, rubbing tiny circles on the back until he felt up to just smiling and asked if she wanted coffee. She remembered how he liked his coffee and always got him some. Once he mentioned in passing that his mother used to make plum tart for when he came home from the first day of school every year. Weeks later, when he returned from a mission, there were a good dozen different types of homemade plum pastries waiting for him (since it was a side comment, she didn't know what style of tart it was, so she made an array to ensure he found the one that made him feel like he'd come home). She would often show up with sudden gifts, records and books that she remembered him saying he liked and just had to get when she saw them and thought of him.

Darcy… she just _got _him, and Steve got her. It was simple and happy, and he almost couldn't remember a time when she wasn't in his life, when he was too overwhelmed by her physicality to talk to her.

* * *

"You know, I'm glad Tony's such a meddling little shit." She said one day, sipping on a chocolate egg-cream in this retro diner they often hid away in. It was comfortable to him, modeled more after the fifties but still reminding him enough of his own time. It almost physically hurt to see how perfect she would look there, perched on a seat with pretty lips around a malt straw. She was straight out of a pin-up, and he just wanted to reach out and stroke her hair or touch her hand, anything to prove that she was _real _and there and that something that could so seamlessly bridge his past and his present existed, even if she wasn't his.

He looked back at her casually, at this point used to her wicked mouth, "What do you mean?" A single eyebrow arched.

"You really don't know? You have to- it was _so _obvious the way he orchestrated that whole lunch thing. Besides, he told me." Steve blushed and looked down, playing with his milkshake.

"Told you what?" She smirked back fiendishly, giving him a once over.

"That you were coming down into the lab to stare at me. He said you had a crush on me and didn't even know it and that Bruce agreed. I told him he was full of it and to leave you alone, that if I saw him being an ass to you I'd tell Pepper."

"God," He put a hand up to cover his face in embarrassment, "he told you all that?"

"Pretty much… to be fair, it was kinda cuz I flipped on him. He and Bruce were suddenly asking me all these weird questions about if I was seeing anyone and did I like Bing Crosby and was I settling into New York okay and how far do I go on a first date… you can guess which ones were Bruce and which were Tony. Anyway, I finally lost in on the more obnoxious of the two and threatened to taze him in the balls if he didn't tell me what was going on. A couple weeks later, he sent us on our Mussamon Curry mission." Steve was mortified and groaned into his hands, dragging them down his face to stare into her amused eyes. The blue twinkled like stars whenever she looked at him.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

A wry smirk played at her lips, "C'mon now, Cap. The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm a _lady_after all- I don't make the first move on a date. Well, ok, that's a lie- but I kind of really like you, so I didn't want to scare you off by being the super-forward modern woman." He nodded slowly, an excited grin breaking across his features to accompany the blush.

"So… do these count as dates?" He asked, having a fry just to give himself something to do.

"That depends, were they good? 'Cause if not, we'll start from scratch- I can totally do better, put the ladies on display." She arched her back and pushed out her chest, and he realized that she kept her chest conservatively restrained at work but was much more liberal around him. He tore his eyes back up to hers, blushing at her expression.

"No no, it's great- you've never been a flat tire."

"Alright," she snorted, "that one's new to me. Care to translate?"

"A, uh, a bad date. I mean, I always have a swell time when I'm with you." He licked his lips and said very seriously, "The worst part of my day is when you leave." It was quiet for a moment as she just stared at him, eyes watering ever so slightly because she still cried at every little thing, and he held his breath as he wondered if maybe she was just joking and didn't really want to be with him. Steve's eyes were drawn down to her lips as she licked them slowly, running a tiny pink tongue against their redness as she stared him in the face.

"Steve," her voice was hoarse and barely more than a whisper, "I've been waiting three and a half months for you to kiss me. Now would be a really great time to do that." When he hesitated for just a split second, shock shooting through his system, she took the initiative and reached across the table, grabbing his collar to haul him forward and crash his lips against her own.

There was something so right about their first kiss having been initiated by her over old-fashioned malts in a throwback diner. Darcy wasn't a typical 21st century woman, and she was certainly no 1940s dame. She was a girl out of time, and her mouth was soft and hot against his. Her body was warm and felt perfect as he came around the table and slid into the booth beside her. He tucked her against him, and they stayed like that for almost half an hour, silently melded against each other in suspended time.

* * *

1 – Doggy – Well-dressed but in a self-conscious way  
2 – G-Men – Government Agents  
3 – I'm gonna take a powder – to leave, take a break  
4 – What's buzzin', cousin? – What's up?  
5 – Killer-diller – swell (which I assume is self-explanatory), cool, good stuff

R_S:That was fun to write. It turned out longer than I expected, too, having written it just today. I hope you liked it!

Pleeeaaaase leave reviews! It lets me know if I'm on the right track =)


	6. Triple A 2

R_S:A sequel to the Avengers messaging each other… those are the most fun to write somehow, despite being a huge pain in the ass.

* * *

**Triple A 2  
****Full Cast****  
**

After he joined them, including Loki in the Avengers Amusement Accumulation (Tony switched alliance to accumulation, owing it to the accumulation of conversations and amusement within the database- the others just chalked it up to his being flaky) seemed like a logical peace offering. Nothing discussed therein was classified, and it would give him something his brother didn't have, using his superiority complex to their advantage and further integrating him into the team. They only hoped he was up to par with the intellectual rigor of their conversations.

When they explained the purpose of Triple A, the god seemed dubious at best, but upon hearing Thor's annoyance that his 'brother should be able to partake in joyous camaraderie but not I,' his interest was piqued. He was on the app by his first meeting. Loki had to admit, the blatant disregard for propriety shown by these mortals spoke to the trickster in him, and he might have been tempted to partake in this so-called 'group chat app' regardless of Thor's jealousy. The actuality of the situation, he found, was far less gratifying.

_**Tony:**_ Are you suggesting that we spy on our friend? That's an absolutely deplorable idea, Miss Lewis. It's downright underhanded, and only the sleaziest, most disreputable scoundrel would partake in such a heinous crime.

_**Clint: **_… So you're in?

_**Tony: **_Is that a serious question? Hell yeah I'm in!

_**Bruce: **_This is going to end poorly. For everyone.

_**Loki: **_This is utter nonsense.

_**Darcy: **_Nonsense is my specialty, don't knock it.

_**Bruce: **_I'm going to respectfully disagree with you, Loki. It's not nonsense- it's insanity.

_**Tony: **_I worry about my sanity sometimes. It's true.

_**Natasha**_: Stark, we all worry about your sanity.

_**Loki: **_I must say, though, that I am shocked by your group's propensity for chaos and evil.

_**Clint: **_Every normal human being is at least a little bit evil.

_**Darcy: **_Yeah. We can just be as, y'know, un-evil as we want. That's what we strive for, anyway.

_**Bruce: **_Yup, the American dream.

_**Steve:**_ I feel fairly confident in the fact that that is NOT the American dream.

* * *

R_S: This one is significantly shorter than the last one, but I think it's funny in its simplicity. Let me know if you agree!


	7. Furry Fury

R_S: So, it turns out I didn't think of the name. I thought I did until I saw Catvengers Assemble on tumblr, and then I realized that someone else thought of it first and with more detail. I'm disappointed in my unoriginality.

* * *

**Furry Fury**

**Full Cast  
EveryonexNick (DarcyxNick, PepperxNick, JanexNick, NatashaxNick, ClintxNick), Brief Mentions of ThorxJane and TonyxPepper  
**

Darcy liked to play tough. She was sassy and snarky, making quips at other people's expense and claiming to be dead inside. But inside the crunchy exterior was a warm, gooey center. She was sassy and snarky, but she wasn't rude. She might tease, but she was never mean. And she could claim to be tough and dead inside all she wanted, but Natasha would still only smirk, since everyone knew Darcy cried during Disney movies. It was also that gooey center that made her such a sucker for strays (and, perhaps, a sense of camaraderie, as she was in some sense a stray taken in by the Avengers).

So, it really should not have been any surprise the first time she came home and wasn't alone, since this was nothing new for her. Even though Jane was the only one who had any previous experience with this tendency to adopt strays or even knew about it, it was somewhat shocking that no one else expected this from the girl. That night was rainy and cool, but the sweater she should have been searing was balled up in her arms, leaving her soaked and shivering, and the others were nonplussed by her state.

"Jesus- Darcy, that's supposed to go _on _you… Look at you, kid. Get over here and warm up before you freeze to death." Tony pulled the chair out and motioned her over, looking more exasperated or perhaps paternal than anything else. As she walked slowly towards them, Bruce slid over a mug of the tea he had been fixing to warm her. Everyone watched Darcy in the usual way when things like this happened, as though she was their kid sister getting into more crazy shenanigans and now they had to take care of her. It was only Jane who took any real notice of this situation.

"Oh Darcy, not another one." She turned to regard her mentor with wide, innocent eyes, which usually worked alarmingly well on any victim she hoped to manipulate.

"But Jane, I couldn't just leave him out there." She dropped her head to coo at the sweater, and a tiny ball of fuzz popped out to meet her nose. Tony was not amused.

"You brought home a _rat_?"

She glared, "He's not a rat; he's a kitten. And he was all alone drowning out in the rain." Jane sighed, heavily paying no mind to the various comments being made by the others.

"Darcy, do you remember that time you spent 2 weeks eating nothing more than one meal a day of ramen noodles because you blew all your money getting the last sad kitten you found spayed and vaccinated?"

"I had to; no one was going to adopt her otherwise! And anyway, this time I have a better paycheck. I'll be able to have him all fixed up and happy within a few weeks.

"No, absolutely not." The building's owner opened his arms sharply in a 'cut' motion, "That _thing _is not staying here- this tower is a pet-free zone."

"But Tony-"

"Kid, you know I'd do just about anything you asked me to, but not that. How about I build you a super realistic animatronic puppy, something that doesn't make messes or shit in the house?"

"Tony, that's not a puppy," Clint pointed out amusedly, "it's a kitten." He reached out a hand and scratched beneath its fuzzy chin with one finger. The little guy was awfully cute. At least, he thought he was- it was kind of hard to tell under all the muck. But his big, green eyes were shiny and curious, staring up at him with fear and awe.

"I know, but puppies are better. I don't like cats."

Darcy chose to ignore that train of thought, fixing him with her own puppy dog pout, "_Please_, Tony. It's only temporary, just until I can fix him up and find him a home." She dropped her head and played with the little guy again, cooing "You want a loving home, don't you?" He knew he was beat. She was gonna fight him tooth and nail on this, and everyone else was going to take her side because (for some inexplicable reason that Tony could not even begin to fathom) they liked her better than him. Oh well, if he was going to admit defeat, he'd at least make the best of it.

"… Fine. I'll show you where you can set the little varmint up. But, I have one condition." He led her out of the room, whispering conspiratorially in her ear.

* * *

**Pepper & Jane**

Pepper and Jane were the first to find out about it. Pep had just flown back from a meeting in Tokyo when she found out that Tony, _her Tony_, was allowing something with fur to exist in his immediate presence. It was inconceivable (and yes, she knew what that word meant). So, one of the first things she did when she got back was have Jane escort her to the room where the mystery creature was being allowed to exist _of Tony's own volition_. It was like something out of the twilight zone.

"And he knows that it's a cat?" Pepper asked for what must have been the third time.

Jane giggled and nodded, "Yes, Pepper. He put the room in a pretty random place in the tower, probably to maintain as much distance as possible. I actually have to admit, I wasn't exactly pleased when Darcy brought home another one of her 'furry little babies,' but this guy's kinda cute in a pathetic way. Plus, anything that annoys Tony that much gets automatic brownie points." Their chuckling subsided as the blond's phone alerted her of an update. She looked down at it perplexed.

"Huh… Commander Fury cancelled the meeting that was supposed to be happening now."

"That's weird… any idea why?"

"He can't make it, apparently quote 'something came up.' That's so strange, usually the Avengers Initiative is his top priority."

"Yeah, I wonder what could pull him away at such short notice." The two finally approached their destination, hearing Darcy's voice filter through the partly cracked open doorway.

"Aw, Nick, you're so sweet!" They froze, listening to the girl's laughter come through the air.

Jane looked at Pepper in horror, "No," she whispered, "you don't think…" There was a loud bang followed by more happy laughter. Pepper shook her head.

"No, there has to be a rational explanation for this… She's being sarcastic, and he's there to…" Another thump.

"Aw, does little Nicky wanna play?" The unseen girl cooed and laughed some more.

"Oh my god!" The two burst through the door, throwing it open and falling over each other. Sitting on the floor was Darcy, who stared at them incredulously, and small, fuzzy kitten, tan-caramel in color with black point markings and striking green eyes. He was wrapped around a chair leg playing, bumping it into the desk.

"Um… you ok dudes? And shut the door- if Tony sees Nick out of this room, I'm pretty sure he'll punt him." She turned back to scratch her new friend's belly, "He's just a little too cute to have his tiny kitten brains cracked open on the wall." Jane did as she was asked, still looking weirded out.

"Darcy," Pepper began calmly, picking up the luckily undamaged phone that had clattered to the ground in the hullabaloo, "why are you calling the cat Nick?"

"One of Tony's stipulations, if he was going to house him for any given amount of time, was that he got to name him. Your charming boyfriend, being who he is, decided to name him after Fury."

Jane dropped to the floor, playing with Nick, "Aw, but you're much cuter than him." She poked his side and he batted at her hand, gently nipping her finger with tiny kitten teeth.

The three girls stayed in there for quite some time.

* * *

**Clint**

The fourth person to find out was Clint. Natasha had found out the same day that Jane and Pepper were introduced to Nick, merely raising a single, unfazed eyebrow and immediately understanding the entire situation. On this particular day, all the women were amusing themselves in 'the cat condo,' as it was often referred to. He was walking by, minding his own business and decidedly _not _looking for someone to spy on/startle/sneak attack, when he somehow stepped into a living nightmare.

"Aw, Nick, I can't believe you like Pepper better than me! After all the times I played with you…"

"Don't feel bad, Jane. It's just because last night I fed him some pâté from my hand."

"But let's not forget that I'm his favorite, right Nick?"

"Aaaand now he leaves you to rub up against Natasha."

"… Jerk. Let's see if I ever let you nuzzle into my boobs again. They're the biggest, warmest ones around, so you'll be sorry."

Clint felt physically ill to his stomach. For a moment he wondered if he should just keep moving along, search out Thor or Tony or something. It was really none of his business. But that would probably be awkward, having just potentially caught their respective women in a highly compromising position. Then he realized- who the fuck was he kidding, he was a freakin' _spy _and, well, him. Of course he was gonna take a look at the Harem of Fury (which, incidentally, sounded like a crappy sci-fi action movie), no matter how badly he would later want to soak his eyeballs in bleach. He slipped with crafty silence up to the sliver of light leaking from the door with eyes closed. It was going to take a couple moments to work up the guts to actually gaze upon the depravity at hand, so he took some calming breaths. A giggle erupted.

"Aw, Nick, that tickles!" The horror that befell his sight as his eyes whence they were opened was… not horrific.

"Are you kidding me?" He demanded, bursting through the door, "Do you know how much therapy I'm going to need after hearing all of that? You should really be aware of what this sounds like."

Darcy smirked knavishly, "That's half the fun." Clint countered with a full-on grin.

"Then just know that I'm in."

* * *

**Bruce**

Exactly what happened when Bruce found out is confidential, as are all incidents relating to the Hulk. After that introduction, Darcy was infinity glad that Jane had told Thor rather than allowing him to find out on his own and challenge Fury to a duel for her honor. But when everything had calmed down, Bruce was in surprisingly good humor about the whole thing. He and Darcy were lounging around talking about what to do with the little fur ball.

"Leave it to Tony and you to come up with something this ridiculous." Nick was rolled onto his back and on kitty cloud nine, basking in the euphoria of a good belly rub at the doctor's hands.

"Yeah, we're a malevolent pair. This is a truly diabolical scheme." She quipped, and he let out a hum of affirmation.

"So you think he got hit by a car or something?" There was a vague gesture at the mostly missing stub of a tail that still made a valiant attempt to swish in delight. Darcy looked pretty bummed at the mention of it and nodded.

"Yeah, it's definitely not _supposed _to be like that, and that seems like the most likely scenario for the city. Right?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I think you're right. Poor little guy… Is anyone going to adopt him like this?"

"Not that I've found. People in Manhattan seem to enjoy their haute pets, and apparently maimed cats are a huge faux pas… or _fur _pas." She winked playfully at that, and Bruce groaned.

"How have I never noticed your terrible, and I mean _terrible_, penchant for puns before this animal?"

She shrugged, "You'll learn to love them… and Tony's going to have to learn to love Nick, because I'm kind of in love with him now."

"Yeah… yeah, I can see why."

* * *

**Steve**

Steve was restless and unnerved for reasons beyond his grasp. He had worked out endlessly at the gym, read a novelette cover to cover, and even learned a few new tricks to adapt to modern technology, but nothing worked. He would never admit it, but he might have been bored with the normalcy of the past few weeks. It wasn't that he _liked _violence or needing to save the world and risk his life, he more liked helping people. It could be said, a therapist once told him, that he had a mild hero-complex. He was in complete denial about it, obviously, and a part of him rationalized that, hey, if you were gonna have a complex, that was the one to have. And at least he wasn't like Stark. But at the same time, he was embarrassed- he needed his fix. He needed to swoop in and help somebody, even if it was just opening a stubborn pickle jar for little Dr. Foster. He was also stubborn, though, and refused to go looking for help. Instead he decided, what the hell, there's a cute little kitty that just moved in and would probably love a bit of TLC for a while. He could do that… and giving a love-starved animal what it needed decidedly did not count as feeding the hero complex he didn't have, so shut up.

"You know, Tony's gonna flip if he finds out Nick sleeps with you every night."

That stopped Steve in his tracks. Who in the world was Agent Barton talking to?

"You mean _if _he finds out."

… Darcy Lewis?

"Well, doll face, you're not being quite as clandestine as you think you are, and you're surrounded by an organization of spies. And if someone were to, perhaps, let it slip…"

"What will it take to keep you silent about my bed warmer?"

Steve had heard Tony use that term before. That was not a good term. He did not like this situation, he did not like it one bit. Darcy didn't seem like that kind of a girl… He was confused.

"It's not fair you're the only one who gets to take him with you. I propose equal rights."

"Dude, he's _mine_."

"I thought this was just 'temporary.'"

"Well, have you seen him? He's massively damaged. Pretty much no one's gonna take him now."

Well that was just cruel. Commander Fury was a fine man, and… well… yeah, he supposed no one else was going to take him. So then did Darcy take it upon herself to… marry him? Oh god, the young girl had eloped with a man twice her age! He was Captain America, he couldn't condone that! And now Clint wanted in on the action? Ok, he knew that the modern era was much more open about 'alternative sexuality,' but Steve was pretty sure the blasé sharing of sex partners, especially with the involvement of married couples, was still at least somewhat frowned upon… right? He didn't know what to do; he was in no way prepared for this particular situation. And shame on Fury, taking advantage of a sweet young girl like Darcy! He should be ashamed of himself. It seemed extremely out of character. But, what seemed even more so, was the idea that she would go along with it.

"Besides," Darcy continued, "he's the only one who will love me."

So maybe the whole hero complex thing wasn't _so _ridiculous, because upon hearing Darcy's self-depreciation, Steve could not resist swooping in to save the day. He burst in to see Clint leaning against a desk while she stood across from him, clutching the kitten tightly to her bosom and nuzzling it. His words spewed out like a mad man's as he swept the girl and her charge into his arms.

"Ms. Lewis, you are lovely, sweet, and highly talented young woman, and any man would be lucky to have you. I'm sure plenty are ready to knock on your door. So please, don't marry Commander Fury- it's just not right."

Clint never let him live that one down.

* * *

By the time there were more people who knew about kitten Nick than didn't, it was obvious he was there to stay. Darcy loved the runt ball of fur more than anyone will ever love you, like he was her soul mate. So did most of the rest of the tower. Tony had given up on trying to keep him confined to the one room, knowing he had lost that battle as well, and the creature had virtually full reign over the entire tower. He told them simply that he only hoped he would someday be able to enjoy the fruits of his naming labor.

That day was a Tuesday.

Commander Fury entered the room with his usual dramatic flair while Darcy searched under the couch. He was likely there to give an angry avenger-y rant about something or other, she didn't really care. She was too busy looking for his feline doppelganger- she hadn't seen him all day and desperately needed some kitty lovin'. The way she ended up finding him, however, was not ideal. While in the middle of some national security related lecture, he gave a startled pause as something warm and soft wound its way between his legs. The unified drop in gaze had everyone in the room watching a little caramel ball of fluff display unrestrained affection the likes of which hitherto unseen all over the booted feet. Blinking (or possibly winking) with confusion, he asked what 'the hell' the cat was and nudged it with his foot. If anyone had asked him, he'd have been steadfast in the insistence that it was a nudge and nothing more that would hurt the creature- if he had wanted to crush it, he would. But a certain witness did not seem to see it that way.

Darcy pouted and scooped him up, "Hey- leave Nick Furry alone!" A deadly silence set in as she clutched the kitten to her chest and their boss digested the information. Tony had no qualms about laughing, leaning up against the counter. It earned him a deadly glare that would make any sane man weep as the commander rounded on him.

"Stark, I know you're somehow responsible for this!"

"What, you _don't _think that's just the cutesy-wootsiest name for a little baby kitty-cat?" Most of the team smirked at that, while those who were rightfully fearful of the fury of Fury watched in abject horror.

"Do _not _test my patience, Stark. This is a government security headquarters, not the god damn ASPCA. I want that thing gone. Now."

Darcy was no longer amused and felt her heart plummet, clutching little Nicky to her chest. They couldn't send her baby away! She loved him! Okay, yes, this was supposed to be temporary, but how could you say no to those big, sweet eyes? And yes, he was her baby. She loved him. She was terminally single, drowning in S.H.I.E.L.D. paperwork, constantly a little worried that she'd wake up dead the next morning, and unable to connect with anyone about her job. This cat was the only thing that kept her bed warm at night, and it was the only individual in her life that she could be certain wouldn't get killed by some crazed super villain tomorrow. Also, did she mention she loved him? And she wasn't the only one.

It wasn't any surprise that Pepper and Jane were attached to Nick- he was cute and fuzzy, and they had vaginas. They enjoyed coming home to something adorable that wanted to cuddle (without the intention of it leading to some hard-core cuddling in the pants, like with Tony and Thor).

And it wasn't all that shocking to find Natasha attached to the little guy either. If you had told Darcy that the assassin was a cat in her past life, she would have believed you whole heartedly. The two of them seemed to slink silently around the house together, and Darcy had the sneaking suspicion that Nick learned most of his cat-like nature from the Black Widow. She could be called the Black Cat (y'know, if that name wasn't already taken).

Even less surprising was Thor's attachment to the "servant of the goddess Freyja." He often descended upon the small creature with a large hand, petting its entire body in one foul swoop. The feline enjoyed traveling upon his shoulder, reveling in the height that his species adores.

That was part of how Clint played with him, too. They would find some of the highest places in the tower and hunker down, observing the world with calculating eyes or resting (decidedly _not _cuddling) contentedly. When they were solidly placed on the ground and there was no risk of a kitten-pancake, the archer would shoot and slingshot little paper balls and toys for Nick to hunt, finally finding a playmate with as much energy as himself.

Or, when the pet was feeling less hyper, he would go out in search of Bruce. The doctor quickly found out that pet therapy was, in fact, quite effective, and the experience of calmly petting a loving creature lowering one's blood pressure a surprising amount. He made a point of taking some quiet time with the cat at least once a day to help keep the other guy in check.

And it was downright expected for Steve to love him. He was Captain America, and Darcy was pretty sure that the super serum of America also made him love babies, puppies, kitties, children, baseball, apple pie, and whatever other American clichés you could think of (hot dogs, maybe? No, too homoerotic). Cap would nuzzle and cuddle him with no shame or curl up with him to read a book, using him as a lap warmer.

Darcy swore she even caught Nick napping on Coulson's lap as the agent went about his paperwork, more than once even. For the most part he napped quietly, except for the occasions where he would interrupt to paw at the keyboard and demand a good petting session.

But most surprising was the newfound attachment of Tony to "the stupid furball." He thought they didn't know which was almost cute really. To his credit, he hid their bond extremely well in the beginning, always asking how much longer "that thing" was going to be there and avoiding even being in the same room with "it." Darcy only found out when she noticed Nick had followed his engineering nemesis out of the room and down towards his lab. She figured she ought to go after them and intercept her furry child, lest the less furry child punt him through a 14 story window. But, when she got there, she found that Tony was decidedly not punting, kicking, or even throwing a wrench at the little guy. She watched as he scratched the cat's belly while reading over calculations, tossed him little ball Barings to play with, and even kept him perched on his shoulder sometimes while he hunched over to work. Darcy never told him she knew, but she sure as hell told everyone else. It was kind of like their own private joke now, except instead of a bunch of people looking in on a few, it was everyone looking out at Tony and chuckling behind his back. He kinda deserved it for the way he talked about Nick, even if he secretly loved the little guy. But, she questioned how far that love would stretch in front of others. Luckily, he did not disappoint.

"Actually," Tony pointed out, "it's a home and an industrial workshop- _my _home and the workshop for the company I am CEO and owner of, actually, which I am allowing to be used for S.H.I.E.L.D. purposes in a benevolent show of camaraderie and good will towards man. Think of me as an investor. So really, what I say here goes. And the cat stays."

Darcy noted that, the angrier Fury got, the more the veins around his sad empty eye-cavity seemed to darken, and he said "Absolutely not, Stark."

"Well tough shit." He crossed his arms, "You can't take my girl's cat away."

"Your girl?"

"These girls living here, they're _my _girls. When they want something, they can come ask Daddy Tony and I'll give it to them."

Clint leaned over to Natasha and Bruce, "Well that doesn't sound creepy at all…" The battle raged on. Tony argued with Fury, Darcy beseeched the commander to allow her 'baby' to remain, and the others just kind of wondered and pondered when the dynamic within the tower became that of an _extremely _unhealthy and dysfunctional family. Eventually the cat won out, of course, when they all finally got tired of hearing the screams and insisted that they loved their fuzzy new mascot ("He can be called "Iron Paw" and next time Loki attacks, be launched at his face!" "Oh Tony…" and "That's it! I've had it with this mother fuckin' cat in this mother fuckin' tower!"). She felt kind of guilty when the whole thing was over and tried to comfort the man.

"Don't worry, Commander Fury. His full name is actually Commandpurr Niclaws Furry, Attorney at Paw, so we can just start calling him Klaus if you'd like." She beamed up at him, trying to ignore the sneer he pinned her with. Yeah, she was going to be in the dog house for a while.

"I would recommend it, Ms. Lewis." Of course, Tony never took to the change in name, but most everyone else tried to be respectful. And Darcy swore that Fury was warming up to his namesake anyway. At least, after a while he only looked kinda pissed when Klaus would rub up against him and jump onto the conference table during meetings.

There was no explanation as to why the only creature in the world that seemed to legitimately love Nick Fury was a cat named with the sole intent to mock him.

* * *

R_S: So that was cute, haha.

Ok, so I only have a couple more finished one-shots left and a ton of bits and pieces of fics written. Thus, I have decided to let you decide the one(s) you would most like me to focus on. Here are brief prompts:

Darcy is afraid of heights, and Clint can't for the life of him fathom why, but he's going to fix it.

There's a gala to honor Dr. Foster's work, and the entire gang attends.

A sequel to chapter 3, Darcy's Double Down.

A sequel to the first chapter, Happenstance.

Darcy didn't meant to break Captain America, it just happened. Kinda angsty but looks like it's going to develop a happy ending.

I also have on my to-do list: a sequel to chapter 4 (A Terribly Great Intervention) for **Imjustfindinghim**, a chapter devoted to Darcy and her taser for **DGfleetfox**, a rather dark piece in which Tony finds out Darcy's his illegitimate daughter with a SUPER fucked up past, one in which Darcy's related to Peter Parker, and maybe a couple others I can't think of right now. But these all either haven't yet been started or are still in the bare bones stages.

So yeah, guys, that's what I've been working on. Let me know what you thought of this chapter and what you'd like to see. Ciao!


	8. Triple A 3

R_S: Part 3 in the Avenger Amusement A_. Any other ideas for 'A' words, guys?

* * *

**Triple A 3**

**Full Cast  
StevexDarcy (if you squint)**

The Avengers had been doing this for way too long, and most could not help but wonder how long it would be until Fury began confiscating phones at the start of each meeting, as though they were disobedient children in grade school.

_**Bruce: **_Where's Coulson today?

_**Tony: **_Up my ass, I don't care. This meeting is craptasticly boring.

_**Steve: **_Maybe he went for a coffee run… I hope he brings some back from that Dunkin' Donuts place.

_**Tony: **_I'd kill for a donut. JARVIS- have donuts delivered for the end of the meeting.

_**JARVIS: **_I have placed the order in accordance with yours and the other Avengers' tastes.

_**Tony: **_Yesss!

_**Darcy: **_I like donuts. Donuts make me feel pretty on the inside… not so much on the outside.

_**Steve: **_We all think you're pretty on the outside :)

_**Tony: **_Debatable.

_**Darcy: **_Aw Steve, you're sweet. You, Tony, not so much… You're more of a jack-ass.

_**Tony: **_I didn't say you WEREN'T pretty, I just said that it's debatable that Captain America can make a statement regarding the opinion on your appearance on behalf of the entirety of the Avengers. Besides, if you keep striving like that to look pretty on the inside, you'll lose any outward beauty.

_**Darcy: **_That's a valid point… my Indian name would be Chubby Bunny.

_**Clint: **_… Why?

_**Darcy: **_Because I love marshmallows, I'd be chubby from all the donuts, and much like a bunny, if something far larger than me scooped me up, it's possible I'd be so scared my heart would stop and I'd die.

_**Loki: **_You are pathetic.

_**Tony: **_Ooh, ooh! What would my Indian name be?

_**Darcy: **_Squatting Toad.

_**Tony: **_… That's cold.

_**Clint: **_Well, you kind of had it coming to you.

_**Tony: **_Fair enough… Darcy, I'm going to make it up to you. Please excuse me while I look up an appropriately fitting superhero codename for you.

_**Darcy: **_Dude… I get a codename? Bombsky.

_**Steve:**_ … Is that the name you are requesting or one of your strange modern slang terms?

Possibly the first pause in the history of the Avengers Amusement Accordance (Tony changing the name was becoming a regular occurrence) filled the silent textisphere.

_**Clint: **_I'm glad I'm not the only one who expected Tony to make a snarky comment and didn't answer right away. I guess he's actually looking up a codename for you… whether or not it will be any good is largely up to interpretation.

_**Bruce: **_Why didn't he just ask JARVIS?

_**Darcy: **_Tony Stark is an enigma. We don't question it.

_**Clint: **_How long do you think it will take him?

_**Darcy: **_Well, if it takes him much longer, I'm going to be highly disappointed. He's supposed to be a genius isn't he?

_**Tony: **_And that I am, Hasipuzischatzimausi.

_**Bruce: **_… What did you call her?

_**Darcy: **_Guys, should I be insulted?

_**Tony: **_Hasipuzischatzimausi - 'little rabbit bear treasure mouse' - An actual German term of endearment.

_**Steve: **_Will you be mad if I say that I actually think it fits you quite well?

_**Darcy: **_Not sure… haven't decided yet… Though I do feel that people should be able to PRONOUNCE my codename.

_**Tony: **_German people can pronounce it.

_**Darcy: **_Ok, allow me to rephrase- *I* should be able to pronounce it.

_**Tony: **_Are you always this nitpicky?

_**Darcy:**_ I may have to give up talking to you.

The next morning, there was a plaque on her desk with Hasipuzischatzimausi carefully (and in very tiny letters, looking like a tight fit) engraved. It was placed next to a plate of donuts, just for good measure.

* * *

R_S: I have been dying to use Hasipuzischatzimausi for something for_ever_. This made me dearly happy. Let me know what you think of this one!


	9. Darcy Lewis Prompt Week

R_S: So this is based off the tumblr Darcy Lewis prompt week that just passed. I know it's late, but c'est la vie. It's actually one continuous story told in chunks based off the prompts, so lemme know what you think.

Fair warning- it's darker than the other things I've written. I mean, it's not super angry or gonna make you cry, but don't expect to be giggling.

* * *

**Darcy Lewis Prompt Week  
****Full Cast  
Focus on Friendships Rather than Pairings**

Lipstick

It's not that Darcy doesn't wear make-up. She's a single, straight female in college; of _course _she wears make-up. And were she taken rather than single, she would probably wear it to hang onto whatever man candy she was lucky enough to snag. If you looked in her bag, you'd find most of it there- compacts, eye-liner, lip gloss- and there's even more in her toiletries. What girl doesn't use cover-up daily for those dark under-eye circles and unsightly blemishes (at least, Darcy thinks most do- she's just parroting commercials with this one)? And a few quick swipes of blush was at least a valiant attempt at combatting her usual pallor, not to mention the pop mascara gave her eyes and, well, sometimes she just liked a little eye-liner to feel put-together.

But lipstick? That was just too much.

It isn't even that she doesn't _like_ lipstick, because she totally does- she knows she already has these big, pouty lips, and the extra burst of color is really just the cherry (red) on top. But it just feels so dressy, like she's pampering up to be something she's not. She has a couple of colors she likes, a classic bright red and a sweet pink, but she rarely wears them. Lipstick is for special occasions (coincidentally, so is eye-shadow, but that's more of a time-consumption issue). It's something that she only feels works with that super-cute dress you spent forever picking out and paid just a little too much for and _swore _you would totally wear but only ever left your closet once, maybe twice. It's for prom and senior formal and that cute guy from the other dorm's fraternity formal. When she puts it on, it feels heavy and waxy, and it makes everything taste a little funny when she licks her lips- she wouldn't kiss her with that crap on, why would some guy?

She feels ridiculous, too, like a child playing dress-up with mommy's things. She's short and young, with big eyes and big lips, and she's just kind of just built for jeans and converse. Even her glasses are from the teen section at the eye-doctor. Lipstick just looks wrong on her, either too red or too dry or too… wrong. Sometimes late at night she'll put some on when she's alone; just to see how it looks. She does this one evening she thinks she'll be spending alone, until a freak storm hits and Jane calls her to duty, so she hurriedly wipes the pinkened color away. Privately, she likes it, but it's not something she could wear out in the world.

So the night she meets Thor, she's not wearing lipstick.

* * *

Hello

Maybe there are better ways to say 'Hello' to somebody than with a Taser, but sometimes it's still a good way to make someone's acquaintance. Darcy still stands by the assertion that tazing Thor was a good call. It made her memorable, that much was certain, and Darcy Lewis was nothing if not memorable. She never just says 'Hello.' She always makes some wisecrack or teasing remark, feigning a cool self-assuredness that she may never truly have. It's different from the formal, polite way Erik addresses new people or the distracted acknowledgment Jane gives.

Since meeting Thor, though, they've all gotten to practice their greetings. They meet a lot of new people now; it feels like a new government agent comes by every day. They're reintroduced to Agent Coulson, this time under more amicable circumstances, and she meets a horde of others who seem wholly disinterested in her. One of them, Agent Barton, is nicer than his coworkers, though, and she likes him, even if he lampoons her taste in music (he looked through her iPod, the asshole). He's unofficially assigned to watch over them, kind of has been since they took Thor home from the base. Darcy makes some quip about meeting their stalker, and he laughs openly, genuinely appreciating that she can find humor in such a situation. He calls her a spunky kid, and she finds that she only is pretending to be annoyed. Having Agent Barton as a buddy makes 'hello's with other S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel a lot less curt, and people seem to take her more seriously because he does (or at least pretends to).

But all these hellos don't prepare her for goodbyes, and both Erik and Agent Barton go where Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S. (whatever that is) goes. Jane and she are being moved to a new location, too, though Jane leaves kicking and screaming from the bifrost markings. The goodbye is heartfelt, for this is the first and longest time the scientists will really be separated since Jane's childhood, and Erik even makes Darcy promise to take care of herself- not just Jane. Before they part ways, Agent Barton lets her call him Clint.

* * *

Rain

Darcy thinks it's stupid, but she can't help but cry now every time that it rains. They can't go chasing storms with the relocation, so Jane and she are hunkered down watching lightening shoot across the sky. Agents and other scientists often warn them to stay clear of the windows and open doors during a storm, but they never pay their cautions any mind. The flash of light illuminates their faces and reflects off the glass, leaving shadows on the walls around them. The crack of thunder is simultaneously jarringly bitter and comforting, and they find themselves jumping and smiling atypically. On these nights, the women's eyes are locked on the swirling sky, searching endlessly while listening for the equipment to give any confirmation of _his _presence.

These aren't the times Darcy cries, though. She could never be so cruel as to air her pains and doubts during such a ritual. These are Jane's times to hope, Jane's times to cry… She would never take that from her. These are the times when she needs to be the strength and the backbone, to be a rock for her friend to cling to in the stormy winds. Jane never sees her cry for Thor during this ritual, thinks Darcy is wholly unconcerned with his return other than its effect on Jane herself. Any indication that this might not be so is carefully sidestepped with dry wit and careless tones.

"Darcy… am I crazy for this?"

"Are you kidding? Who _wouldn't _pine over a homeless hit-n-run?"

Depending on Jane's mood, she might or might not put in the effort to point out the many fallacies in her jokes. On times she doesn't, she sometimes cries, and Darcy holds her for as long as she is needed. Regardless of how it goes, this is their special time, and it has fostered a much closer kinship than either had ever anticipated. The dynamic is strange, shifting so suddenly, but it is necessary. Sitting and watching the rain means thoughts of nothing but Thor.

When it's over, and she is alone, that is when Darcy cries. Sometimes it's just a few, defeated teardrops that well gently and slip down her cheek, barely even obscuring her vision. Other times she must bury her face in the pillow to silence the aching sobs, whose origins she cannot define. She cries for Jane and for Thor, who had been so confused in this world, and the distance between them. She cries from stress and how much she just fucking _hates_S.H.I.E.L.D. for no particular reason. She cries just because she feels heavy from Jane's sadness and needs to get it off her shoulders with a bit of catharsis. She cries because she just does.

The day he's back and they're watching him on the screen fighting aliens, it's not raining, and Darcy finds that she can't cry.

* * *

Crimson

When Jane and she are moved to the New York, Darcy is told that the dress code there is a little different- they need to be sharp, professional. Commander Fury will likely be seeing them on a regular basis, and they can't afford to look sub-par. The girls spend what little money they have pulling together a couple of work-appropriate outfits, because neither of them has much in that vein. They end up with enough to mix-and-match that they can get by for a couple weeks before it becomes painfully obvious that they lack an abundance of suitable clothing. Hopefully by then they'll either not care enough to keep trying or the new pay will be able to fund a larger wardrobe.

When Darcy gets ready that first morning for work, she doesn't do anything too different, just more careful. Foundation is smooth and streak-free, eyeliner thin and even, blush not too intense. She even uses just a touch of bronzer to make herself look more alive, and for once her hair is neatly tied up into a professional-looking bun. She looks… unlike herself, she decides. The pencil skirt is slate-grey and tight, perhaps a little too short than what she should be wearing to work, but hey- she's young enough to pull it off. The blouse is stiff and white, and her bra shows through just a little, but there's nothing to be done about it. And she just _knows _the unforgivingly starched material is gonna get some serious sweat-stains under her black blazer, but whatever. The jacket matches the tasteful, simple black pumps. She looks a little childish, she thinks, dressing up for S.H.I.E.L.D. Something's missing.

She makes an executive, gut decision as she's about to walk out the door: a quick swipe of lipstick to color her face. It's crimson, the color of Thor's cape or the color of fake movie blood… the color that those crazy pin-up girls wear in old pictures. She matches it to her shoes, kicking off the black kitten heels in favor of something a little taller and a whole lot redder. Crimson is a good color on her, she thinks… she hopes.

The outfit gets mixed reactions. Jane definitely thinks she looks good, but the color is so perfectly matched to her star-crossed (literally) lover's cape, that she gets that familiar far-away look in her eye and just focusses on work with a melancholy tone. She gets the feeling that Fury and many of the other agents don't appreciate her fuck-me-red pumps, but she likes crimson. One of the other scientists, Dr. Banner (but he lets her call him Bruce), is kind to her, and she gets the impression she thinks she's cute- not in a sexual way, in a 'look at that sweet young girl trying so hard' way. He's kind to her, and she knows he means well, but it makes her feel like more of a child for wearing lipstick- which, it turns out, is also the same color as Iron Man. Tony Stark made a point of mentioning that and winking, and Darcy couldn't decide if the casual flirting made her feel more at ease with herself or more like a child who got into her mother's things. At lunch she stares at the crimson ring left on her napkin and her straw, making all the food taste a little off.

Darcy decides to reapply and keep the crimson for the day- she's eating less because of the taste, and it'd look kinda weird to have it on in the morning but not afternoon. But she doesn't wear it any other day, opting for a more natural lip gloss. She trades in the shoes for something a little more comfortable for standing next to Bruce in the lab, for when he calmly explains whatever science-ness Jane or Tony let fly without realizing she wouldn't quite understand or whatever he's working on and how she can help.

She does, however, decide on a silk crimson blouse to spice-up her wardrobe.

* * *

Vow

Darcy had been somewhat recalcitrant, if she was being honest, about moving in with the Avengers. Before Jane and she had left, there had been a bit of a fight about it and about the dangers that such a move faced. Eventually Darcy backed down and acquiesced, of course, but the damage had already been done. S.H.I.E.L.D. knows everything, after all, and Jane's never been good at keeping secrets. She thinks Thor was genuinely hurt when he learned of her grievances, but he takes it in surprising stride. He's probably the reason this new adjustment goes so smoothly anyway, telling the others of her distrust of the organization and beseeching them to aid her in comfort.

And really, she thinks she maybe seems more unnerved to be there than she really is. The first day with the lipstick situation wasn't so out of character for her, and her inability to be wholly comfortable in her own skin is probably notable to anyone around her- especially super spies and secret agents. Darcy thinks Thor is making sure that everyone is incredibly kind to her, which only adds to her self-consciousness. She feels like a little girl who can't make her own friends. Finally finding the girl's unease too palpable, Thor sits her down and vows the team will protect her from all. He assures her that she will be cared for as one of their own and begs her to worry less. It hurts him and wears on dear Jane.

The others must have heard about the talk or agreed to some sort of half-assed intervention, because she receives similar messages in the coming days. Some seem genuine and heartfelt, like Steve's bashful comfort, where he sought to hold her but fell too shy, and Bruce's warm smile and assurance that she was perfectly safe from anyone, aside perhaps from him. Others are less dramatic- Tony doesn't even feign seriousness ("What's the worst that could happen when you're with me? I'm _Iron Man_.") and Natasha is just scary ("I've single-handedly killed battalions of enemy agents before; it's not so hard."). Clint falls somewhere in the middle with gruff reassurance, like he wants to let her know he cares but can't quite know how without feeling weak. In some ways they succeed at being a comfort; clearly they must at least like her a little to be putting in this much effort, even at Thor's prodding. But it also serves to remind Darcy that she doesn't quite belong there, that she's not a hero and maybe this isn't her home. But they vowed to keep her safe, no matter what.

When she's taken, she holds onto that vow like it's her last shred of sanity. The cell is drafty and damp, and she sits there scared and alone for what feels like ages, thinking bitterly to herself that her face was going to be _so_ broken out when this was over. Initially there's little indication as to _why_ she's taken- if it's Jane's research or S.H.I.E.L.D. intelligence or just shit luck- but eventually it's narrowed down to something relating to the Avengers. They know she works with them, and most people who do are agents or superhuman, too difficult to track and capture. She's helpless enough to be ripe for their picking. The torture isn't so bad. At least, that's what she tells herself through the endless sobs and screams and everything else that wracks her body- they know she's weak and easily broken, so they haven't pulled out the hardcore stuff. It might kill her, and they're convinced she'll break well before that's necessary. She vows to herself that even if they do up the ante, she'll never betray her friends. They would do the same for her, and when they come, they'll be proud of her grit… maybe. Perhaps Jane and Thor will be; the others are probably old hat when it comes to kidnap and torture. Such helplessness in this situation is probably laughable. That thought makes her lift her chin. She makes another vow- this time that she will make it through this and not let it affect her. Natasha and Clint would probably view this as a vacation. She won't be soft; she will survive and stay strong until they come for her. And they _will_come for her, because that was their solemn vow.

Then again, the vow kind of implied that she would never be taken at all, so maybe being a little worried isn't so stupid.

But they do fulfill their vow, and she is rescued- though noticeably worse for the wear in a way that makes them look all the more solemn.

They must have vowed to take care of her until she's recovered, stopping in regularly to update themselves on her progress. Bruce sometimes brings her tea, and for once, he doesn't admonish her for putting so much sugar in it. Tony doesn't stick around too much but builds a new Stark prototype computer so she can do all her work and connect (securely) with the necessary databases from wherever she is, also fitting it with some kick-ass games, apps, and drivers. It's his way of showing he cares, saying he's sorry… and it's the same crimson red as his suit. Sometimes Pepper comes to gripe about him and does Darcy's nails while she rants, but Darcy doesn't mind- she's just happy for the company. It's cute how Steve tries to visit, sitting uncomfortably like he's intruding with all his guilt until she can relax him into a nice, normal conversation. When she starts feeling better, Clint teases her by playing music that's just too far for her to reach, but on the days he can see she's really just too tired, he lets it go. The strangest visits, she thinks, are Natasha's, who has taken it upon herself to improve Darcy's chess skills (likely, the girl thinks, as a masked attempt to improve her focus and patience, since she has none). Though once, a much earlier night when she was half asleep, she did see Hill slip in and place a small bouquet of flowers at the foot of her bed, Fury peering in gruffly from the window. And obviously Jane, Thor, and Erik make a habit of being there more than they probably should, given how much work there is to do. She tells herself she's being completely friendly and normal with them, and it's a lie no one really wants to confront.

Recovery from being kidnapped and tortured sucks, and let no one tell you otherwise. However, Darcy did notice that it was the first time she ever really felt like she could be herself for an entire day at S.H.I.E.L.D. Her face was more beat-up than she realized, but hey- at least her acne wasn't as bad as she had worried to be (Jane told her not for the first time that, well… '_priorities_, Darcy!'). She doesn't have to look at her lipstick every morning and feel inferior or walk through the halls wondering why she can't pull off the business look as well as anyone else. She doesn't feel lonely when it rains just because Jane doesn't need her anymore. In fact, she feels oddly content being hidden away. She doesn't even notice anything has changed until she's dressed one morning to sign her discharge papers.

Her pen had only just begun to flow into the first letters of her name when the bright red alarms flashed and blared, shocking the pen from Darcy's grasp. Exactly what happened was kind of a blur, but they were supposed to get to secure locations. Instead, she took off like a bat out of hell. They finally found her after the drill (yeah, it hadn't even been real) was over, curled up in a supply closet deep in the bowels of the building. Jane and Erik were the only ones who could coax her out to finish the paperwork and get a bite to eat.

Once discharged, Darcy is still confined to minimal travel and stress. There's another unspoken vow to protect her, but somehow the damage is already done.

* * *

Saturday

It's a Saturday when she moves out of the tower and into a little apartment in Stanford, Connecticut. Even though she's been kind of brusque with them recently and they really don't have to with all the extra manpower the organization has access to, the Avengers take the time to help her move and get situated. Darcy appreciates it in a bittersweet way, warmed by the affection but feeling the guilt of abandonment down to her bones. Steve's face is the worst- he's never been good at hiding his feelings, and now he looks like a kicked puppy. She wants to tell them that it's not them, really it's not. She still loves them _so _much. But she's not cut out for this shit, all the danger and kidnapping and fuck knows what else. She thinks they know, even when Tony pretends to be mad at her all day until the goodbyes, when he catches her in a brief but sturdy hug.

She can't help but think that part of the reason they're all being so supportive in this is that they can see she's unhappy. But Darcy refuses to admit that's true and embellishes her excitement to be living there. Connecticut is pretty, she insists, and it will be nice to have a quiet country place to come home to from the too big bustling city. Anyway, it's just an hour drive or train away from the tower, so she'll still be there all the time, and they can all come visit whenever they'd like. She's never lived alone before, going from home to college dorms to Jane and S.H.I.E.L.D. shenanigans. This will be good for her, a way to prove and assert her independence.

Jane promises that Thor and she, and maybe some of the others, will come visit sometime in the coming week. Darcy's excitement at the prospect is more genuine than anticipated, and it makes the goodbye significantly easier. She spends the week unpacking and organizing and decorating, whatever she can to keep busy in their absence. The apartment must look lived in and happy, needs to convince everyone that this new life is the best for her when they drop in any day now. But the lives of the Avengers are busy ones, and due to some type of national or global emergency, the vowed return is postponed until Saturday.

To make up for the lapse in time, Jane drags most of the team with her. A week to the day they helped her carry boxes into its empty rooms, Jane, Thor, Steve, Clint, Tony, and Bruce are standing in the apartment. Clint was supposed to be on a mission with Natasha, but a knee injury sustained during the week's attack has put him temporarily out of commission, so she went on without him. He assures Darcy, though, that she sends her regards, as did Pepper. Bruce brought her tea and a warm, paternal smile, but it's clear that he just about dragged Tony there. Well, at least the billionaire pretended to put up a fight at first- it was common knowledge that no one made Tony do anything he didn't want. He insisted that he only came because her computer was on the fritz, and he didn't trust anyone else to deal with something as complicated and brilliant as one of his creations. He disappeared into her room to fiddle with it for the majority of the visit. The rest spent their time small talking over coffee and cooking, peppered with feeble compliments about her new place (mostly from Steve). When that started to fail, they turned to television and movies and tried not to think about how this was just like being in the tower but without the convenience.

After that, Saturday became a visitor day. Sometimes only one or two people would stop by, others the whole group tried to squeeze into her apartment and they inevitably ended up taking things to a local bar, club, restaurant, or coffee shop. But barring some sort of crisis, Darcy is guaranteed company during the weekend, regardless of numbers. It's sad how much this weekly ritual has come to permeate her life. She still hasn't gotten cleared to commute to work regularly yet, so she's doing a lot of paperwork and transcription via computer, and despite usually being a relatively social person, she hasn't done very much socializing. She knows a few neighbors and a few locals, but mostly she keeps to herself and tries to get enough done that her Saturdays are completely free. The brunette tries to make friends, goes out with new acquaintances and hangs around local shops, but once you've been friends with the Avengers, you become jaded and normal people start to bore you.

Anyway, they aren't ready to let go of her either. Sometimes they can be notably standoffish in the new faces that want to buddy up to her, and some of them (read: Tony) make a point of remarking Stanford's comparison to New York City. One particularly amusing Saturday, the hot douche from upstairs stopped by to borrow sugar or something… it hardly mattered- it was clearly just an excuse to show up at her door shirtless with jeans slung low enough to suggest there was nothing beneath them. Darcy hadn't thought she was being obvious in her gentle avoidance of the man, but it seemed perhaps she had, because the sudden drop in temperature by the group was marked. His fear and confusion was almost comical as he tried to work out if Tony or Bruce was her dad or if Clint was the overprotective uncle or godfather. He probably made the situation worse by commenting on her 'hot older sisters.' Steve definitely confused him the most, though, with his mumblings about how men wouldn't put upon women like that in his time. She would be lying if she said she minded their chasing him away. It was warming, and his showing up there like that was downright inappropriate regardless of circumstance- yesterday she had lunch with his girlfriend.

It is a Saturday when they had to rescue her for a second time. Some agents from Hydra or A.I.M. or something swoop in on her, hoping her relative distance from the team will keep them from getting caught. It doesn't. Never ones to break a vow, the Avengers contain the situation in a matter of minutes, because they know that no matter what, Darcy never misses a Saturday meeting. After that, the powers that be decide that it is necessary for her to live in a secure location, where she can be monitored and protected. She would be lying if she said that she would miss Stanford- the people seemed nosy and her apartment smelled funny.

It's a Saturday when she moves back into the tower, and all her friends are there to greet her at the door.

* * *

Live

With everything going on with S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers Initiative and who knows what else, there's never a dull moment. So, Darcy decides she's just gonna fuckin' live. It's scary being there with them, never knowing who's going to come back or what's going to attack or if something's going to come after her, but that's ok. These people are her family now, and that made her realize something- you _trust_ family. And she trusts them all to live and protect her, never to break that vow. They're the mother fucking _Avengers_, for fuck's sake. Of course they're going to live. And she's going to live with them.

Darcy's not a child anymore; she's a woman. She works for a government agency, she's friends with some of the most powerful people in the universe, and she wears lipstick. Sometimes when Pepper needs a break from Tony's eccentricities, she takes her shopping and they get funky new colors and clothes to match. It's fun and relaxing, and Darcy doesn't seem to have as many clothes that just sit in the back of her closet anymore. There are still some, of course, but they're more the old jeans and graphic tees and men's sweatshirts that she used to don regularly. Shopping with Pepper (and on rare occasions even Natasha) has seriously updated her wardrobe.

That's how she gets the funky purple lipstick she wears when she goes out to local bars and clubs with Clint, who insists he can 'fix' her taste in music if he just takes her to the right places. It involves a lot of skinny jeans and boots, leather vests and tight tube dresses, and red lips never seem to quite go right. The crimson-tinted violet works, and he always teases her even though he likes it. But sometimes he doesn't like its effects very much; it sets her apart from the crowd, which catches men's eyes, and he doesn't like when rocker wannabes come sniffing around the 'little girl' he's educating. Darcy pretends it's annoying, but she thinks it's sweet.

Steve _hates_ the purple lipstick like nothing else, probably because girls would never have worn it back in the 40s. Together they're learning to live- her without fear, him in a modern world he doesn't quite understand. She teaches him culture and he keeps her grounded. Sometimes, when the stress of living got to be too much, they found themselves in a retro diner/café, with old posters on the walls and songs that first came out on records playing. The day they found out it closed (because there really isn't much of a clientele for that sort of thing), Steve looked like someone kicked his puppy, and it just about broke Darcy's heart. She did the only thing she could think of to cheer him up and dashed off to some vintage shop in the fashion district. That night, as he pouted on the couch watching Clint and Tony play video games, she strolled in with the fruits of the day's labor. She managed to get her hands on a deep, navy blue tea dress from the forties and painted on that crimson lipstick from the first day of work. She looked like a 40s housewife, and balanced on the tray in her hands was a home-made apple pie and a vintage-style 'get well soon' card. It was cheesy and silly, and Clint and Tony will _never_let her live it down, but he smiled that sweet boy next door smile that was all dimples and made her heart melt, so it was totally worth it.

It ends up being her favorite dress, too. She would live in it, if she could. She wears it to work sometimes, and Bruce, knowing it was her favorite and that she bought to cheer up Steve, always makes a point of giving her an especially warm smile and telling her how pretty she looks. Darcy's not above pandering for compliments, so she takes it. She also finds it ridiculously sweet that Bruce is so touched by the effort she puts into helping Steve, so she tries to do something nice for him, too. There's a Southeastern Asian grocery she found wandering one day. It's way, WAY downtown, but the trip isn't so bad if it's a nice day out. She tries to get down there on occasion and pick up jackfruit (which she knows he rarely gets to have), along with all the fixings to make him one of those weird, exotically 'healthy' meals. She even tries eating it with him sometimes, because she knows it means a lot to him. Usually, though, she just gives up and eats whatever's for everyone else.

She cooks for the Avengers a surprising amount, especially when it's raining. The rain makes Thor homesick, and together they try to come up with Midgardian substitutes for the delicacies of Asgard. Other times Darcy just worries that they're too wrapped up in work to remember the joys of food or haven't eaten anything more substantial that pop tarts for far too long. It's relaxing, and it makes her feel useful, even if Tony could just have whatever they want ordered in from anywhere in the city or even world. Still, they seem to appreciate the effort and tuck into a hot meal with as much fervor as they do anything else. It's oddly domestic and in odd contrast to the haphazard danger she has come to associate with the group.

Darcy has never felt more alive.

* * *

R_S: This one wasn't my favorite work… I had a really clear mental image of where I wanted it to go, but I couldn't quite pull it together and get it on the right track.

Well, please let me know what you think!

Review and feel free to leave any requests, pleeeaaaase!


	10. The Award Elf

R_S: A return to my previous silliness. I feel bad that I kind of forgot about these, but things are super crazed right now :/

Anyway, in this one: everyone has a formal ball they must attend in honor of some fancy science award Jane won… not my favorite, but fun.

* * *

**The Award Elf  
****Full Cast  
ThorxJane, TonyxPepper**

The morning air was punctuated with squeals of excitement, the soft pitter-patter of Jane Foster thundering down the hall like an elephant escaped from the herd drifting to their ears. Nearly everyone else was in the collective favorite room of the tower, a modest (by Tony's standards) kitchen on one side and a massive television on the other, and an island and a living room couch set-up between. Thor, Tony, Bruce, and Steve were crowded around the island and stove, enjoying their respective choices of hot beverages, breakfast foodery, and newspapers, while Clint leaned against the wall of windows on the far side, enjoying the view over a cup of Joe. Darcy was cuddled up on the couch with a mug of simple home-made mocha (sometimes Bruce spoiled her, even if all it required was a bit of milk, chocolate syrup, and coffee) and looking over paperwork that was probably due three days ago… but she was Darcy, so handing things in late (even when they had been completed perfectly on time) just for the sake of being ornery was expected. Natasha looked like some form of sexy kitten, curled up in the arm chair beside Darcy's couch, with some exotically spiced tea and Russian literature. Loki lurked in a far corner away from the others, still adjusting to the team dynamic and the… domesticity of it all. Jane literally slid into the scene on socked feet a la Risky Business (albeit inadvertently), fancy looking off-white paper clutched and wrinkling in her hands.

"Oh my gosh, Darcy, thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthan kyouthank-" The intern had just enough time to put her drink down on the coffee table before getting caught in a fierce hug, which she promptly attempted to wiggle out of.

"Ok, enough- Jesus, you're like an overexcited little dog. Get _off_ me."

She did as asked, spinning around with the paper in excitement, "Thank you _so_ much! I can't believe you did this for me! You're amazing, just too amazing." Darcy smirked and did a little hand waving bow.

"I know I am, though it never gets old to hear it… but why, exactly, am I amazing this time?"

"'Dr. Foster,'" she read, "We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected as this year's primary recipient of the Kingston-Ewing Award for Academic Excellence for your seminary research in the fields of both Observational and Theoretical Astrophysics, as well as Cosmogony.'" She looked up again, preening and squealing with elation, "The Kingston-Ewing Award, Darcy! That is an absolutely _amazing_ honor."

Dr. Banner smiled warmly, raising his mug and looking duly impressed, "Congratulations." There were other murmurs of agreement, Thor's being particularly loud and proud. Darcy reached down to pick up her mug again, not looking at Jane and poorly feigning innocence.

"Yeah, congrats… I had no idea." She punctuated the act with an all too casual sip from her mug. Her boss gave her a disbelieving look, cocking out one hip to rest the hand that clutched her paper in it.

"Oh bull- this is an application only deal, and I know I didn't apply. You're the only one with access to my research who both can pull this off and cares to. Plus, you're a terrible liar, just like the _worst_." The room murmured agreement with that, too.

"Traitors…" she mumbled before answering, "Ok, so maybe I took a little extra time to put together a portfolio of your dissertation and non-classified research and field notes. If you're not going to fix your name in the good graces of the scientific community, someone's got to. You nerds are really _mean_, like you make nasty smart-people jokes about each other's research that I totally don't get but are definitely just the opposite of nice… I kind of see it as part of my job description to protect you from that. Plus," she added with a sneaky grin, "I do love the residual accolades I get when you win all the things I secretly enter you for."

"Well, Darce, it's well deserved, so thank you." As she finished, Pepper entered the room looking every bit as perfect as always, stalking in on legs that were a mile long and perfectly balanced on the fiercest stilettos known to man. And, of course, she was dressed pristinely and professionally, the light stack of files in her arms nearly reaching the warm smile she fixed them with.

"Good morning, everyone! And Dr. Foster, I do believe congratulations are in order."

Jane beamed back, "Thanks, JARVIS told you?" When the strawberry-blond giggled, it was something cliché like the tinkling of bells, and Darcy thought once again about how much she would _hate_ all the perfect/sexy/adorable women in that tower if she didn't love them so damn much.

"No, I've known for a few days now… so has the rest of the team." A smug smile tugged on Tony's lips, while the rest looked either sly or bashful at the admittance and Jane looked around at them all in surprise.

"Seriously?! And you didn't say anything? Even _you_, Tony?"

He shrugged, "Didn't wanna ruin the surprise. Anyway, since Stark Industries is posing as your benefactor for S.H.I.E.L.D., we get to find out ahead of time in order to start the paperwork on the additional grant. Because, y'know, funds are just _so_ short for your research."

"Yes," Pepper nodded, continuing as though she had not heard Tony's bad joke, "we actually have the responsibility of accepting for you. A lot of bureaucratic nonsense, but beside the point… though, I really wish you had told me you were applying. It's fantastic, and you definitely deserve it."

"I wish I'd known I was applying, too." She shot a sideways glance at the girl looking guilty but self-satisfied on the couch and pretending to be absorbed in her work.

"Ah, I see. Well you can be certain to thank the sneaky little elf that did it when you and Tony accept the award at the gala." Tony made some quip bemoaning the fact that the elf didn't make him any shoes, but no one paid him any mind.

"Oooh, that's right!" Jane fell onto the arm of the couch, poking her gofer to get her attention, "There's this expensive formal soiree for me to meet the beneficiaries of the award and talk to them about what their inheritance is funding for when they write it off on tax returns." She hopped up and hugged Thor tightly, realizing that he had been trying to do so since the announcement of her success.

Pepper nodded, "Yes, and the entire team will be there to support you, since the last ball in which the Avengers were in attendance ended regrettably." The look she gave Loki was pointed but teasing, and his was mild in response.

"Wow, sounds really cool. I hope you have fun." Darcy said earnestly, turning back to her paperwork. The fall of Jane's face as she stopped flapping around was instantaneous and almost heart-breaking to everyone watching.

"What do you mean, aren't you coming? You _have_ to come; it won't be the same without you. I know you don't realize it, but you really helped us get here- so much."

"Jane, I really appreciate the sentiment, but do I really look like I belong at some big, fancy ball?"

"But everyone's coming, even Bruce and Steve…"

"Yes," Pepper teased, "and right now the boys outnumber us 2:1. We need you to even out the odds- Tony's the trouble of 2 dates on his own, and Jane needs one arm to be man-free for hand-shaking obligations.

"Besides," the scientist said, "we can go dress shopping together- like gal-pals!"

Darcy shivered theatrically, "Please never use that phrase again." Before she could continue, Pepper cut in again, strutting over from the counter where the guys were listening to the banter amusedly.

"Actually, _I'm_ taking you girls shopping. You can't show up wearing just any old thing off the rack from Macy's," she winked lightly, "I'll get us all into something perfect and couture."

"Oh ok, cool, let me just make sure I stop at my magical money tree before we go. I'm happy for you, Jane, really I am, but I just can't afford to go to this thing. Sorry."

"Don't be silly, Darcy- Tony's paying." From across the room, the man in question made some sort of strangled choking sound mixed with a startled exclamation through a mouth full of eggs, but he was silenced by one of those 'I'm Pepper Potts and I _own you_' looks.

He swallowed the food loudly and waved a finger at the young brunette intern, "As a reward for this, I expect you to make sure she wears something slutty." Darcy didn't answer, instead turned and honed her gaze in on Natasha while Pepper rolled her eyes and began bickering with him in that oh so loving way.

"If I'm being forced into this estrogen bonding session, you're coming to suffer with me. I won't be made to deal with the excited shopping squeals alone."

"And miss a chance to spend more of Stark's money?" She smirked into her cup, "I wouldn't dream of it, _doushenka_."(1)

* * *

So, that was how Darcy found herself wandering awkwardly into some high-end boutique (because this was not a store, it was a boutique, where they would give you complimentary champagne and act like you were picking out a freakin' wedding dress... it occurred to her that boy was Pep gonna go all out if Tony and she ever got married) that she felt she had no business being in, given that she hated flashy expensive anythings. She was donning her alma mater's sweatshirt and some old jeans that made her ass look damn fine, if she did say so herself, so at least that gave her some confidence. But still, this place was just so _not her_. Even if she wanted to be that girl that got all the haut-est clothes and was never photographed in the same thing twice, she still thought she would look out of place in the elegant waiting area. But she was there, and Daddy Stark and Mama Pep were buying her something pretty to wear so she could support Jane, so she might as well make the best of it. Chin tilted slightly up, she walked with impressively faked confidence to the nearest clerk.

"Excuse me, ma'am, perhaps you could help me. I'm meeting a few friends here to pick out dresses for an upcoming gala."

"Sweetheart," the woman gave Darcy a condescending once-over, "perhaps you'd be a little more comfortable in the next store over, where things are ready to wear… or a consignment store."

Like magic, Pepper appeared beside them, "We're in a bit of a hurry, Stephanie, Mr. Stark expects me back for a board meeting, so _perhaps_ things would go a bit quicker if you picked up some dresses and dropped the attitude you're using with my close associate, hm?" When Jane and she appeared to flank Pepper, Natasha looked especially deadly.

The woman in question blushed, looking mortified, "Absolutely Ms. Potts, terribly sorry for the misunderstanding. Please, allow me to fetch you some champagne, on us."

* * *

"I can't believe you made us late because you didn't like the suits they were wearing." Clint griped, clearly annoyed. Tony had forced Happy to make a pit stop for an 'emergency fitting' for Steve and Bruce, deciding the non-designer suits they had deemed to wear were unfit to be seen around him. Obviously he was more than prepared for one of the events, and Clint had been on his fair of missions that required a certain state of dress. Thor and Loki had been fitted in advance to ensure the former had something big enough tailored to fit him.

"It had to be done."

"Debatable." Bruce amended, also peeved, "I hope you realize that we missed Jane's acceptance speech and have an apology ready."

Tony waved them off, "I already contacted both her and Pepper to let them know we had to make a pit-stop due to ill-fitting suits. It was generally accepted that it was better for the individuals representing Stark Industries to be late but well-dressed than looking moribund."

"I think 'moribund' is more than a bit of an overstatement."

"Oh hush, Brucey, and help me look for the girls… do you know who Fury sent to babysit us?"

Loki inclined his head, "I would assume it is the unhappy looking agent that is approaching our party right now."

"Agent Hill," Tony greeted with a mock solute as she arrived, "you clean up well." Maria looked uncharacteristically feminine in the long (and shockingly bright) burnt umber dress, its shoulders capped with jeweled sleeves, and tastefully simple jewelry, but unsurprisingly her make-up was simple and her hair pulled back tightly. She only glared at him in response and brushed past, having confirmed that they had arrived and implying that she would be monitoring their behavior for the rest of the event.

"Well hello to you too, ma'am." Clint quipped when she was out of earshot, "So where are our lovely lady escorts for the night?"

Bruce snorted, "Maybe we took too long and got replaced. I think Pepper can do a lot better than Tony, don't you?"

"Oh hardy-har-har… Evidently not, because look-… here she… comes…" Clint whistled lowly as Tony trailed off, like a speechless teen in love. Only Pepper ever had the ability to do that to him, and she did look exceptionally stunning that night. The dress was slinky, dripping down her curves in a cascade of green sequins to slide across the floor. Its front dipped sensuously low to just above her belly button, strategically hugging her form so that only the middle of her chest and barest hint of breasts were visible. A simple knot of pearls at her neck was the only embellishment on an already intense dress, and her strawberry hair hung straight and simple.

She smirked, "Darcy talked me into it."

"Remind me to buy her something nice." He murmured, before shaking it off, "Oh right, I already did… you look like the little mermaid." When she looked like she was about to get reproachful at his little quip, he cut her off, "But prettier, and definitely sexier- much sexier. Really, Pep, you look amazing." A gentle hand on the small of her back pulled her to him in a quick kiss, and that earned him a little lovesick smile.

"Well don't you gentlemen all look so handsome," she turned address the brothers and Steve, "how are you boys adjusting to modern Earth formalwear?"

The blush that was already painting the soldier's face as a result of the dress only deepened, "It's, um, really not all that different nowadays, ma'am, so there's not much of an adjustment… you look lovely." She smiled warmly at him and patted his arm.

"Thank you, Steve. Just wait until you boys see what we've done with little Jane. And Darcy- you'll want to lock her away in a tower." She winked at them all before pushing to the Asgardians, "Thor? Loki?"

"It is a little less ornate than that to which we are accustomed in Asgard," the darker of the two spoke slowly, as he often did since joining their company, clearly choosing his words not to offend, "however, the traditions are not without their charms and loveliness, such as yourself." He bowed lightly, and Pepper appreciated the princely sentiment.

The blond brother grinned openly, "Indeed, the celebration is most festive! But I do wish to see Jane and congratulate her once more on this great success."

"Of course, right this way." Pepper led them through the throngs of people, she, Bruce, and Tony offering greetings and quick exchanges with familiar faces they passed along the way. It took only a few moments before they came across her finishing up a conversation with a woman so old they wondered how she hadn't collapsed into dust.

"There she is," Bruce announced warmly as she turned to regard them, "the woman of the hour."

Jane, in all her excitement and pretty dress, looked more adorable than sexy but still beautiful. Her make-up was simple and natural, knowing Thor probably wouldn't appreciate anything too intense, with her hair done up into a bun. She wore no jewelry, and her gown was simple, bright pink and strapless with a cinched train. It folded over to be reddish at the top and gathered slightly at the waist. Her entire face lit up when she saw them carefully rushing aside while trying not to look too eager.

"Jane," Thor's voice was low and warm, "you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." Her eyes watered slightly, as she embraced him, whispering something sweet into his ear and parting with a chaste kiss.

"Dr. Foster, you look just darling- like an adorable little Barbie." Pepper smacked Tony's arm at his teasing, but no one seemed to mind as the two shared a friendly embrace. Similar welcomes were shared all around (Steve much less flustered by her significantly more conservative dress), and her unparalleled joy was so intense that Loki even received a perfunctory cheek-to-cheek kiss usually customary for a 'brother-in-law' figure. It was the first time any such camaraderie had been shown between them, Jane still wary of his past actions, and the pause that followed as she slowly pulled away was uncertain. But when Loki offered a warm smile and a soft murmur of congratulations, the brunette pixie beamed up at him shamelessly and squeezed his hands before moving away.

"Thank you guys so much for coming- really, it means the world." The smile she was giving Thor made it clear that he was really the one she was excited for, but they didn't doubt she was happy to see them, too.

"Of course! Sorry we're late though… it's this one's fault." Clint jabbed a thumb toward Tony, who feigned an innocent 'who, me?' type gesture.

She giggled, mood unable to be dampened, "I heard, wardrobe malfunction. Don't worry about it- I'm no good with speeches, so it's probably for the best you didn't have to go through that."

"Nonsense!" Thor insisted, "You will retell your victory tale as soon as we return home this evening, and we shall drink to its success!"

"And it was probably best not to try and keep this one quiet." Jane added, offering him another chaste kiss.

Natasha appeared out of nowhere some time during the conversation and received the least attention regarding her appearance- it was expected that she would always look so good other women oozed green with jealousy. Tonight only highlighted that simple fact as her simple but vibrant cherry red dress just barely dusted the ground, the tightness accentuating her curves. The loose waves of her red hair did not clash (because nothing would dare clash with the Black Widow), and the fish-like scalloping train that might have looked ridiculous on someone else only seemed even more elegant on her lithe frame. Her entire aura was electric sexuality as she slunk around, catching eyes and disappearing. Even most of the Avengers had to admire the view- not Tony, though, which did not escape their notice (because really- it was Tony Stark). He was too busy grinning softly at the air ahead.

"And why are you smiling like a proud father?" Bruce teased, finally feeling a bit less cranky about the night.

He nodded his head in the direction ahead of him in response, "Cuz our little girl's all grown up."

They couldn't see what he was looking at initially, but then, as though it was a movie, people parted in opposite directions to bring Darcy into view, looking mature and elegant in a dress they couldn't believe. The mix of classic and daring was perfect for her, black and strapless with a dangerously plunging sweetheart neckline. It was mostly simple, just decorated with layering and subtle puffs of chiffon, and its only embellishment was a single rhinestone blossom perched on her right hip. There was no fancy jewelry or elaborate up-do, just curls coaxed into gentle spirals that surrounded smoky eyes and cherry-red lips. Her big blue eyes fell on them from across the room, and she waved, offering a shy smile and momentarily disregarding the young man who so clearly wanted to further engage her in conversation. It was only Tony who crossed the distance, smoothly excusing her from the conversation and pulling her out into the center of the dance floor. She resisted half-heartedly, more making a show that she didn't want to dance than anything, before being easily drawn into a careless sway with him. The group watched him laugh and move with her, leaning down to tell her something and grinning widely. The scene was warm and eerily domestic, and watching was almost uncomfortable, like they were intruding on a private moment. (2)

It was Natasha who broke their silent observation, "She really is his daughter, isn't she?" The others glanced over at Pepper and her in shock, disbelief written across their faces as the blond smiled a soft, wistful little smile and nodded.

"Yeah, the absolute light of his life… It's a secret, given the possible bad press and safety related repercussions."

"Who knows about this?" Clint asked, partly shifting into spy mode.

"Less than half a dozen people before now- myself, obviously, along with Happy and Colonel Rhodes. I would be surprised if Fury wasn't aware, despite the lengths that both Darcy and we have gone to. She absolutely refuses to live like a privileged little princess, but she's her father's daughter. I think he's happiest when it's the two of them."

"And Darcy?" Thor asked, uncertain what to do with this new information. Pepper glanced over at them and smirked, quirking a single eyebrow.

"Are you watching the same thing I am?" She turned back, "Darcy worships the ground he walks on." Tony spun her around simply, earning a laugh they were too far to hear, her head tilted back and mouth open wide as her curls fell carelessly behind her. When she was back safe against his chest, she stared up at him with wide, adoring eyes as she asked him a question, and he mimicked the look back down at her, tucking an errant lock of hair behind her ear. After a moment, Darcy shifted her position, locking her hands behind him and resting the side of her head against his heart, eyes shut placidly.

"I doubt it will be a secret much longer, though. They never got to spend much time together while Darcy was growing up, and since her move here, they've been making up for lost time. It's becoming abundantly clear how much they adore each other." As Tony moved to tighten his hold protectively, Pepper slipped away from the rest to head over, ostensibly to keep the pair from being too obvious in public. She reached them just as daddy gave daughter a sneak attack kiss on the nose. The trio stood there looking picture perfect, all smiles and laughter, with Darcy sandwiched between the two older adults and looking happier than a kid on Christmas.

"They look so happy," Jane commented, wrapping her arms around Thor's waist and pulling in close, "like a real family." He nodded wrapping one arm around her and placing a solid hand on Loki's shoulder.

"Friends, we will all have a family and a joy like theirs someday."

Steve smiled warmly, "Honestly- I think we've already got one." Clint mumbled something about their family being fucked-up and dysfunctional, while Tony, Pepper, and Darcy were making their way off the dance floor and toward the group. They arrived looking happier than the Avengers thought they had ever seen them before.

"Ok," Darcy grinned, "I'm pretty sure I was promised _two_ dates." She held out her arms expectantly. When none of the guys took her up on the offer, she chose for herself- one arm linked through Steve's, the other through Loki's (it was Jane's night, and trying to maintain conversation with her estranged brother-in-law was something she could be spared from a little longer). She was shameless in leading them away, shooting the others a wink in light of her bravado. Tony chuckled and carelessly fetched a drink- though he'd be lying if he said he hadn't kept at least a bit of an eye on the trio. After all, he had been known for a few threesomes in his day, and he did not want his baby girl following down that road.

Then he needed a drink, to erase the images of Steve and Loki in a threesome with _anyone_.

* * *

(1) Russian term of endearment meaning 'little soul,' cuz Darcy's sure as hell got soul!

(2) In this part, I don't know why but for some reason I always imagine the beginning 50s- ish sounding part of Ariana Grande's cover of Only Girl (In the World) to come on… just go with it. And look it up on youtube, cuz it's crazy good.

Dresses:  
Cobie Smulder's NY Avengers Premiere  
Gwyneth Paltrow Bambi Awards 2011  
Natalie Portman 2012 Golden Globes  
Scarlett Johansson 2006 Golden Globes  
Kat Denning's character Max's formal attire in the first season finale of 2 Broke Girls

R_S:  I don't know how Tony ended up being her dad in this, it just kinda happened… I can see the scene with Darcy and him dancing SO clearly in my head, it's crazy.

Sooo yeah, reviews make me more inclined to update :p


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